Living Proof

Many people pray without the expectation of an answer. Maybe it's because they need a little more faith, or that they're used to not getting a solid response. But God doesn't necessarily give you a "solid" response, He will most likely give you the subtle hints of his blessings---something you have to be aware of. Exactly one month ago, I fell into a dark pit of depression. I honestly didn't know if I could get out of this one. Usually, I remain quiet, maybe even reach out to a loved one about it, but I don't want to become a burden on anyone. So over on Instagram, where I mainly put most of my private life on display (even more than this blog sometimes) -- I posted a beautiful picture of the moon behind a purple sky from my childhood home. And I wrote something incredibly heartfelt---something that came from deep within. I had a sense of 'dread'---a sense that I was no longer going to be here, but not by my own doings. I was heading into a deep de...

In all my years, I have never seen politics become so vile, vicious and even downright dangerous as I do today. Whatever side you're on, people are killing one another over it. A few years back, it was interesting to talk about politics with people, even those with opposing views. Today, you literally have to make sure you're wearing a bulletproof vest if you wanna go there. The thing that I'm noticing the most, is that people are bonding more when they have someone to mutually hate. Whether you hate Biden or you hate Trump, they are bonding through the mutual hatred of another person, as well as the mutual hatred of those who support that person.  And then you have social politics, where two or more people will gather as friends due to a common interest: somebody they hate. Nothing bonds them better than hating the same person. These types of people cannot be trusted. In most cases, they use one another to form a clique, and some even do it to gain something monetarily as ...

It's strange how someone like myself can suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, yet be of help to someone else who is suffering from the same struggle. Sometimes, even the most college educated licensed therapist or psychiatrist can do very little for someone. It's all about who you click with--not what kind of degree is hanging up on their walls. They're probably still paying off student loans and wishing they went into another line of work, and of course, there are some who are purposely there with passion, and a heart for those suffering. But in my opinion, you don't need a degree to help somebody else suffering. Sometimes all you need is experience with exactly what they are suffering with. I'm not saying schooling is bad---I am only trying to reiterate that experience goes a long way when someone is trying to explain to you what they are feeling. If you've experienced it, then you can relate and then tell them what worked for you. I will say this: when ...

 "Go out, get out of the house, it'll be fun," they said. I miss going out, visiting my favorite restaurants, driving over to the local farms and seeing what's going on in our local fish market. I miss getting a mani/pedi at my local nail salon and getting my hair done. I miss just being around other people, but yesterday I thought it was time to get my feet wet. I didn't want to go out. I wanted to protect myself from seeing the world post-COVID. But yesterday, something inside me said, "Just do it." And I did. I went to a few farms and bought some fresh produce, cut a few sunflowers and made my way into the local fish market like I always did. I finally drove my car! I truly thought that I had forgotten how to drive---it's been that long. The sun was shining, but the weather was a little hotter than I expected. Questions through text were like, "So how was it? You got out, huh?" It sucked. I will tell you why. First let me say ...

The effects of this pandemic has hit an all time high. Here in New York, the mortality rate is below 1%--and I don't know one person who is sick right now, other than a bad case of seasonal allergies. But what I mean by "effects" -- is that the world still looks like a huge Dexter murder setup---plastic wrapped around every wall, counter and credit card processors in the stores. Plexiglass is put up as borders and sneeze guards, and of course, people wearing masks and big face shields walking around everywhere. Companies, like the one my better half works for has a policy---no mask, no service. All employees must wear a mask at all times. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It's not the law, only a mandate, but businesses are allowed to make their own rules, rightfully so. "No shirt, no shoes, no service," --- same thing. So while the virus has simmered down a tad, we are headed into flu season. With the flu on its way and COVID still lurking in the darkness, it...

Everyone has a cross to bear or some kind of issue that may not be visible at first glance. I know many people who prefer not to share their problems or physical ailments with the world, and I happen to be one of them. Of course, my blog is literally an open book, but in a general conversation, I tend to keep a lot of personal things to myself. Nobody wants to hear a whiner or someone possibly seeking a pity party. I remember when I was a young girl around four or five years old, we had these older next-door neighbors, a husband a wife who seemed to be very nice. When the wife got to know my mom, she stopped by more often, usually with a homemade baked pie or something she cooked herself. It was either feast or famine with her---either she came too much or she wasn't to be seen at all. Sometimes, my mom would worry and call her up to see if she was okay. As time went on and mom figured that her friend wasn't up to socializing anymore, but then she received a phone call from her...

To tell you the truth, I have yet to figure this one out. As New York's numbers in cases and mortality declines, the south is seeing a huge spike unfortunately. We've had a couple here and a couple there get tested positive, but less than seven people died in our state...sad, but better than thousands. As I continue to 'shelter-in-place,' along with the occasional trip here 'n there, perhaps to a park or the farm market, I'm seeing so many people having pool parties in large numbers, going out to bars and restaurants without wearing masks and having a great time. I'm also seeing thousands protesting in NYC. But we're "good"---right? No one is getting infected really. And if they are, it's super mild. Did New York conquer the bug? Has it weakened? Or, will it catch up to us eventually? Are we in the "February" where we saw a few cases and then BAM---March had us locked down-throw-away-the-key kinda quarantining. I'm so sick...