Living Proof

Your mind can be your worst enemy, if you let it. I'm big on telling other people, "Stop with the what ifs," and then days later, mutter out, "But what if this doesn't work out?" I realized that it's coming from a place of fear and anxiety, and usually, if I'm in a good mindset, I can push away from that. If I am not spiritually in tune, then everything goes haywire. Before my mom passed away, my mind used to constantly ask, "What if she dies from this cancer? What if she doesn't make it?" I couldn't imagine my life without her -- my best friend, the only person I told my deepest soul wounds to. We had a connection like no other, and I doubt I will ever find that kind of connection ever again. And that's OK. See, I believe that we're in a spiritual warfare. Without constant communication and prayer time with God, we sort of lose that hedge of protection that only God can provide, even if it means a sense of safety. At tim...

Losing Mom was the worst fear of my life. Nobody will truly understand what you're going through, even if they've been through it many years ago, they're just at a different level of their loss and grief. Losing a mother is probably second to losing a child, as "they say." I'm not sure who "they" are, but I've heard of that and somehow believe it. But what if you don't have children, like myself? What if your child turned out to be your mother? "They" also say that as we grow older, we change roles with our parents. Our parents become our children, as we start to parent and care for our parents. It's an interesting turn of events, a sad, yet loving one. We return the love and care that we received all of our lives. Many have never experienced a loving relationship with their own parents, so I am sorry if this hits you right in the heart. I'm mainly speaking about my experiences right now, so that others may relate in some ...

Slowly plugging away attempting to write my second book, I've taken a much different avenue this time. Back in 2003, when I wrote my first book, my outlook was strangely different than it is now. Although I claimed to have been "born again" -- I truly wasn't at all. I admit this. And what I mean by not being born again as I claimed, I speak about the deep relationship I have with God -- not just "Oh I believe in God, therefore I'm saved." And...while faith and belief in God alone will ultimately get you saved, it's the 'fruits' of your faith which are most important. I kept asking God to change me -- to have me get to truly know who God was. I wanted a deeper relationship with Him.  The truth is, the Holy Spirit cannot live inside a body full of sin and sinful thoughts. There can't be two oppositions living under one "roof" so to speak -- and yet -- while the flesh is weak, the Spirit is stronger. You don't have to be p...

If you're like me who suffers with anxiety attacks, then you probably suffer from your mind constantly yapping away until your body starts feeling it physically. I've read so many self-help books and articles on how to "conquer anxiety" and how to "still your mind" -- but all of them held a similar message: meditate. Let's face it, most of us don't even have the time to sit down and have a cup of coffee, no less meditate. Some of us just can't get rid of all that chatter going on in our little noggins. It must be nice to live in some peaceful commune where all you do is meditate and practice the art of silence. But that's not reality. Our reality is here -- in this world -- with all the loud sounds, angry people, deadlines and children to take care of. We're swamped, and even if you're lucky enough NOT to be swamped, you are indeed, swamped with your thoughts. Even if you work from home like me, your mind can really throw a tantrum ...

She knew me the best. If you asked her to describe me, she would tell you that I'm quick to anger but also quick to forgive. Mom always knew I was somewhat of a tortured soul just trying to make sense of this messy life of mine. Everything in my life was pretty much inconsistent. At the age of 16, I watched both parents get raided by the FBI and arrested. It was at that moment when I decided to quit school, overhearing a teacher saying, "Those people should rot in jail for what they did," all the while knowing I was sitting in her classroom. I developed very bad acne and had to go on that vicious medication, Acutane. Everyone else called it vicious, I called it my lifesaver. I never wanted to look up at anyone, embarrassed that not one inch of my pale skin could be seen through the clusters of acne clumped onto my face. When the Acutane finally started working, so did I. I got a job at a pizzeria so that I could help out my mom, because my dad was in jail and his bank ac...