Living Proof

Do you feel alone because you suffer from anxiety? Anxiety can make you feel like you’re the only one experiencing it, when actually, anxiety is the most common thing in the world. Some people smile through it, while others choose to use avoidance to cope. The one thing I noticed about dealing with severe anxiety is that once I focus on God completely — entirely focused on God Himself — I find myself less anxious. As soon as I feel it coming on, I sit down and take about 15 deep breaths. I had to work my way from 5 to now, 15. Mindful breathing is like throwing water onto the fire. And even though I may feel a bit calmer, I need MORE. I need to meditate and focus on God — even if my prayer is just saying His name, the meditation on Him changes the atmosphere in my home. I no longer feel the dread, the highly alert mania that somehow creeps in — all I feel is like someone is sitting there with me helping me through. I go through the promises of God if I don’t feel that euphoric sens...

"Well what do other Christians say about the Bible?"  "Oh, you mean 'other people' and their book of rules?"  At the age of 19, I walked into a confessional booth, guilt-ridden and ashamed that I was dating another person of the same gender. The palm of my hands were sweaty as I entered into the small confessional booth, which had a tiny bench and a black mesh in between the priest and myself. I knelt down before the mesh and told him how long it had been since my last confessional (eek) and then poured out my heart, especially now that I was dating girls. "What do you mean you are dating girls?" "Well, I'm dating 'a' girl." "What do you do with her," he asked as silence followed. I didn't know what to say, other than tell him it was no different than dating a man, in some sort of innocent 'dating' way. I didn't want to describe my sex life with the priest, but he kept on asking me detail...

Have you ever had a time in your life when it just seems so awful, that nothing worse could ever happen? You don't even look at the worst case scenarios because you're suffering so badly. You even start resenting people who are enjoying life, laughing and having a good time. It consumes you. Whether you're going through the worst breakup of your life or you have recently lost a loved one by death, the world seems like a very cruel place. It also can feel like a very lonely place, even if there are people who are there for you. "They couldn't possibly understand--they've never experienced this before--it's not the same--how dare they have a good time," runs through your mind. There will be people who will try to give you some comforting words, and it just comes off as insincere and cold -- but it's not. Some people are very uncomfortable trying to comfort someone else going through a turbulent time. They're doing their best. Forgive them. You...

How to handle a buncha' nuts... Years ago, we had a seminar at my place of work. My company hired two motivational speakers who came in and completely enlightened us on techniques about dealing with customers, especially difficult ones. I didn't think much of it because I immediately judged it to be this 'over-the-top' non-religious sermon on "YES-YOU-CAN-DO-IT" kinda jibber-jabber. But not even an hour into their spiel, I started to learn much more than I expected to. Keep in mind, this was a two week motivational course. They showed us how some people respond when dealing with circumstances that didn't please them, or didn't meet their needs -- or just crap they didn't want to hear or deal with. They taught you how to react if you received a call from an irate customer, or if you were dealing with an irrational or abusive jerk from hell. We were taught to never say, "I understand," because before you even say the second syllable of ...

It can't be easy being around someone who is dealing with horrible grief, especially if the grief is exaggerated by already existing anxiety and depression. We also can't fake being happy all the time, so there's a fine line between being real (even if it's a deep depressive state) and being accepting of all that has happened. I totally understand the concept of happy attracts happy, and the opposite alike. It's a dark place to be in when you're grieving, but it's also a dark place for anyone trying to help that person whose tears are literally drowning you out of their presence. And if you're the type of person that has broad shoulders and can be there during the times of somebody grieving, hats off to you. Not many are able to do that. We all have our trials and tribulations in life, so the amount of sharing is up to you, and it's up to the person who receives the 'sharing' to take a step back. We can only handle so much, but sometimes,...

Have you ever felt like you were a complete burden to other people sometimes? And maybe you're one of those types of people who never ask for help, and in turn, nobody asks you if you need help because you don't appear to need help. Maybe this isn't such a great quality of mine, but I have never asked a single person for help. I can't do it. I have had people offer help, to which sometimes I accept or don't accept -- that's not what I'm talking about. Sometimes, I'm hurting so badly, or I need help with something so desperately, and when I pick up my phone to text or call someone to help me, my fingers become paralyzed with fear. I don't need much from anyone. I sometimes wish a simple phone call asking, "Hey, Deb? You okay?" ---- That's help. You don't need to do anything other than be you and just say hi. I have been so fortunate enough to have had my in-laws be there for me when my mother passed away. Just their presence alone...

There is no steadiness when it comes to grief. They say "it comes in waves" -- some days are good, while other days seem devastating. It was the first time in so long where I had a really good week. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but I wasn't praying to God to take my life this time. I guess you can say the week was somewhat tolerable. Today was different. I didn't sleep at all last night. Around 2am, I started having myoclonic seizures, and when I snapped out of it, I started to cry and cry ...and cry some more. How could I live without my mom? She was the only one I could talk to who "got it" and who gave me a sense of safety, knowing that she and I shared some pretty personal deep stuff in life. There's no one else like that in my life -- no one. As I began to cry harder, my TV kept going on and off...on and off. Then finally, it just shut off by itself. It left us in the dark. Our windows were open because it was a fall-like evening. Owls started ...