Living Proof

The one thing that I've learned is that when one thing ends and comes to a finality in you life, there's a new and different world (or a new door that opens up) where life itself has morphed into what it's supposed to be. I don't know if you believe in "fate" and "destiny" or that old saying, "things happen for a reason" blah blah blah -- all of those sayings, as cliché as they are, usually prove to be true. Or maybe we just believe them to be "true" because it is what it is. Another lame cliché. This week has totally spun me into a whirlwind of emotions and indecisiveness. I know for one thing that I must get this surgery to end the excruciating pain that leaves me debilitated for days at a time every single month of my life. But on the other hand, my dream of having my own child since I was a child haunts me whenever I think about rolling into that operating room. And strange, my worst fear is being rolled into the operating ...

They say, they say, they say , that everything has a way of working itself out. I don't know who "they" are, but I guess it's safe to assume that "they're" kinda right. I haven't written in a long time. My mind had no room for passing thoughts, passionate views or even my own opinions about whatever. It was as if my mind turned into this huge blank page. Attempting to write was like trying to write on wax paper with a ballpoint pen. The ink just wouldn't come out. It stayed inside and held its content until it finally exploded. The last time I wrote anything was over a month ago. It was then my doctor had given me the exact date of my partial hysterectomy. Long story short: I suffer from dysmenorrhea -- a debilitating type of menstraul pain that sometimes lasts for over 8 hours at a time. There've been times where I have passed out or vomited from the intensity of the pain. I had to change careers because the typical 9-5er would cringe ove...

Yesterday, I was speaking to an atheist and I asked her, "Respectfully, why do you focus and write so much about something you don't even believe in?" And she gave me an answer I didn't expect. She wasn't angry, she wasn't trying to question her 2% of "what if there's a god" -- she was simply fed up with religious people hurting anyone who fails to fall in line with their exact beliefs. The mere fact that most religious folks will say "my" religion and "my" god as well as "believe what I believe or you're going to hell" is all associated with their ego. The ego thrives on being superior above all those who don't think, act or believe as they do. The ego needs to be "right" and the ego needs to tell their "truth" -- even if there are no factual bases on their "truth". It's just a faith built system that people feel comfortable believing in. Even though I believe with all my...

Years ago, I learned more about God through religion classes. They taught me about Jesus and all of the stories that were in the Bible. I learned about the Ten Commandments and of course, "right" from "wrong". I went through communion and confirmation, mostly robotically and merely doing it because I had to. But I already knew God, (so I thought) and from what my mom taught me. Back then, I only thought there was one God that was believed both by Christians and Jews. I didn't know about any other religion besides the rule of not worshipping any other gods other than my "own". So "my" religion became my "truth" and as hard as I tried to obey every command, I found out that I was only human...like everybody else. As I grew older, I didn't realize there were more "truths" within one religion. I didn't understand why some Christians believed "this" while others believed "that". There were division...

With all of the wonderful clichés and platitudes that I can possibly throw at you like, "Life's too short," "Enjoy the moment," or even, "Now is the only time you have," -- it's become more of an empty mantra than it is an actual practice. We seem to plaster them up all over our Facebook walls and Twitter accounts, and most have yet to even use the advice that was given. I remember my wife had her parents over for dinner. I cooked a nice dinner and we were enjoying our conversation afterwards on the couch. I had placed all the dishes back into the kitchen and then headed back into the living area to chitchat over wine. Madelene decided to go back into the kitchen to wash the dishes and then come back out to talk with her parents, who she rarely sees. I took notice because her absence was felt, so I took it upon myself to walk inside the kitchen area and said, "The dishes can wait. Your parents are leaving soon. Talk to them." It was at...

When I was little, I used to sit under this Japanese fir tree with a huge blanket and listen to my music. It was my favorite spot -- still is. Every single time I hear "The Logical Song", it reminds me of my favorite place in the world. For some reason, that song brings me comfort because it reminds me of a time when there wasn't any worry, fear, anxiety, stress or depression. I was genuinely happy. The words as I hear them today still resonate with me: "When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful, a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical. And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily, joyfully, playfully watching me." As a kid, I rarely listened to lyrics. It's the tune that brings back the nostalgic memories. As I grew older, I began to listen to the lyrics a bit more. It struck me that this song, these lyrics, were my life. And although I was never "sent away" -- the words still resonate with my being an adult...

There are so many beliefs and non-beliefs out there in this world. Some pray to Jesus, some pray to Allah, some lean toward Buddhism while others simply have no one to pray to at all. Have you ever had the chance to speak to an atheist before -- I mean, an "active" atheist who pursues it like a religion? I've come across quite a few and had a less than desirable experience with them, only because they would say things like, I wasn't intelligent enough to realize that my God is just a big fairytale. I get it, but the insults just kept trickling in. One gentleman happened to be a former priest. To me, for someone to actively pursue a role in atheism tells me that there is still some small percentage of "what if" -- perhaps, "What if I'm wrong" type of questioning. To me, that's a very scary place to be in. But then, years later, I met (not in person) a writer named, Emily on Periscope who does these brilliant broadcasts all about atheism. I...