Living Proof

A friend of mine tweeted something really significant - something that stood out and made me think about my own situation. She wrote, "I wonder if self-help authors are as happy as they tell us we should be." If you think about it, self-help authors are the ones who have either been through or perhaps even still going through trouble in order to help those who are struggling. For instance, (and I bring this analogy up a lot), it's like someone who has never touched a drink in their life directing an AA meeting. They have no clue what the hell they're doing other than give "happy-go-lucky-you-can-do-it" advice without the pain, the willpower, the intense craving of wanting just one drink...and then another. For me, when I write about anxiety attacks and depression, I tell people what I do in order to feel better for that time being, or what I do to just keep me alive for just another hour, another night, another week. When it works, I give advice. So, ...

The one thing I've learned over time is that you never know if your date or lover is a "penned up ax murderer" until she becomes one. In Travis Alexander's blog, he states, "Desperately trying to find out if my date has an axe murderer penned up inside of her and knowing she is wondering the same thing about me. That’s usually when I think myself into a panic and start acting weird in consequence to trying so hard to act normal." Have you ever been in a position where someone you knew, loved and cared for just finally flipped their lid and revealed their true colors? It can be very scary and unsettling to say the least. But what if you never knew the potential killer underneath the sweet, smiling beautiful girl you once loved, and now...you had to end the relationship. But it doesn't end there. I have been diligently following the Jodi Arias trial, even falling asleep to it (which isn't such a good idea). But then they have the news afterwards dedi...

Sometimes I look over at my dog and wonder what she's thinking. Does she even think at all? Does she have a thought process? Is she plotting against the squirrel out on the lawn? When it rains, she looks melancholy -  as if she's wishing her sunny days back, lying in some random sunbeam. Occasionally, she'll run up and jump on me, indicating she wants something. I have to walk and follow her in order to know what she needs. If she heads to the kitchen, she wants a treat. If she heads near the door, she needs to go out. Sometimes, it could be that she just wants to cuddle on the couch, so she'll pull my pant leg and steer me over to the sofa. Our communication isn't the best, we mess up and well, I have to clean up the occasional 'mess', but overall, it's pretty damn good. But this isn't about my dog, oddly enough. Have you ever wondered what someone in your life was thinking? It amazes me we have this precise language that we can tell others exactl...

That was me bored out of my mind. There was a time when I once thought that getting older would be somehow easier, perhaps a bit carefree and more spontaneous, because well, grown ups were allowed to do everything and anything they wanted. As a kid, looking up at people who were adults, I envied the "freedom" I thought they had. I envied the millions of things that they could have done, but most around me didn't do most of what I thought I would do myself, say if God came down and said, "Voila Deb! You're an adult! Go do whatever it is that makes you happy!" So then one day, I became an adult. I became that person who had the freedom to live her life the way I wanted. Then I learned about fear, not only learned it, absorbed it. I saw people getting into trouble, getting hurt, getting killed over the things I thought were once "fun". I saw people being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I saw young adults having heart attacks, dying of cance...

Last night, I went into the kitchen and made myself a drink while waiting for my wife to come home. I started to prepare dinner for her since it was her late night to work. I made sure her chicken was cooked to perfection, and that she had a nice cocktail waiting once she walked in the door so she could relax and put her feet up. We sat, talked for a while and discussed our excitement for our vacation this upcoming June. We've been through a rough couple of years, having my Dad pass on from his long struggle with cancer. Dad loved her. One evening, Mom had called us in the middle of the night crying that Dad had taken a bad fall on the living room floor while grabbing an orange from the kitchen. He couldn't get up. We rushed down to try and help, but he was in such pain that I didn't want to break anything. Last time, he broke a rib from us trying to lift him back up. This time, his hip was broken. Once back up on the bed, he said, "Can you get me that orange?" ...

No one knows the truth, or better yet, perhaps everyone thinks they know the truth. I found myself amazed last night over the the amount of 'death chatter' regarding young people dying of strokes and heart attacks. "Well she worked out, she was young and healthy."  What is "healthy"? Dr. Oz even had these cardiologists come onto his show and say that if you have high cholesterol, then you will live longer. They said, "Eat more saturated fat" while other doctors cringed and said, "Take more statins!" Our uncle died of a heart attack in his 30's -- so did my mother's cousin. All ate well, jogged, had a "healthy lifestyle" as the average person would see it. I have a doctor friend who inspired me to take the Paleo challenge. "Eat all the bacon you want!" Of course that comes with, "Stay away from all sugar and pastas."  The pasta part was the hardest for me. But think about all of the contradictions ou...

This weekend was just incredible. I got to spend time with my family (on my wife's side) and celebrated a couple of birthdays. It was nice to see everyone, and many times, it was like, "How come we haven't gotten together more?" It was said more than enough times. We're too busy, we're doing 'this' and 'that' and then, something happens that brings it to a different level - a different perspective. I realized I've been missing out on a lot. With recent events that had taken place in my life, especially with Dad passing, I just sort of went into my shell and only let a select few people in if need be. I should have done the exact opposite - would have been healthier, but shoulda' woulda' coulda'. It's strange how things happen. Last night I was lying in bed wide awake with my mind racing. I had so many questions for God - like how did He let the bombing happen in Boston? Why did "He" have to take away a couple of ...