Friday, September 30, 2016

Expectations Lead to Disappointment

Do things from the heart. Try not to remind people what you've done for them or what you expect out of them because you went out of your way. Giving without expectation is a mindset, and for some, it just comes naturally. The more you expect, the more disappointment will come into your life. Not everyone is a "giver" and not everyone needs to hear all of your good deeds, even if they were done with good intentions. In the book of Proverbs, it says, "Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth -- a stranger, not your own lips." Fact remains, nobody is obligated to do anything, or do anything in return for something that wasn't asked for. When you give -- give with all of your heart. Many people try seeking approval by doing good things for other people, but it's only revealed once that person is angry over "doing this" or "doing that" for "so-and-so".  The "good deed" has now become a burden and the person is not only bitter, but resentful over the fact that nobody seemed to have thanked them properly, or the way they expected. When you truly love someone, whether friend, family or spouse, your gifts or good deeds should never be spoken about by you -- but by the other person, and only if they feel the need to.

There's another old quote that says, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." We never truly know what other people are going through. That's why it's important to remember that your life isn't the only "problematic" life, or the "busier than hell" type of life. Maybe someone suffers from chronic pain or an unknown illness. Maybe someone has an issue at home that you are unaware of. We all have problems, we all struggle in life, but to make someone feel bad about not reciprocating over your "good deeds" is worse than nothing being done at all. The act of self-entitlement screams out "Look at me! Look at me!" It has no real value other than someone that constantly needs attention for whatever reason. "Here, look what I did!" It gets old and although, the appreciation would always be granted, the praising of one's self can make people turn away from them.

Control.

You cannot control people. Unnecessary aggressiveness is a sign of weakness. It means you are too weak to control your own insecurities. So if you get angry that nobody has noticed your "gifts" or "good deeds" -- then it's time to evaluate why you are doing them in the first place. If it's from your heart, then not one word would pass through your lips, expecting anybody else to have any involvement. It would just come straight from your heart, from your love and good natured intentions. But when someone has an agenda, everyone and their mother will know how angry you are over those who didn't reciprocate, or the illusion that nobody had taken notice.

Give love, receive love, appreciate love.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!