Tuesday, June 07, 2016
Dealing With Toxic People
If you have someone in your circle of friends or a family member you are very close with who tends to be negative, or talks about doom 'n gloom or controversial type of topics, remember that they are trying to get a reaction out of you. Remember, misery loves company. Especially if someone knows your weak spots and all the right buttons to push, they'll manipulate you to feel what they're feeling. They need to relate -- they need to feed off from another negative energy, (if they can find it.) It's as if they want to energize your depression and deepest fear just to be on the same level as you, or to have you need them in some way. The ego loves this. People want to feel needed, that's a given, and it's completely a normal process of our human nature. But when the desire to feel needed becomes codependent or perhaps, dysfunctional, it's time to pull back and see it for what it is. There are times when you're having one of those vulnerable and weak moments, that the negative person comes barreling in at the 'right' time.
read more about it here and see if you could relate. One of the things that it said was that empaths love their alone time -- to which I do so much! It reads, "Empaths need alone time As super-responders, being around people can drain an empath so they periodically need alone time to recharge their batteries. Even a brief escape prevents emotionally overload. Empaths like to take their own cars when they go places so they can leave when they please." If anyone reading this knows me personally, I'm sure they're nodding their heads in agreement to this description.
Have you ever been at a very crowded place, say dinner with family and friends or at someone's house where it was jammed packed full of people talking 'n gabbing and having a good time? What were your feelings (if you weren't pounding down the fruit punch)? Did you feel overwhelmed? Did you look for the nearest exit? Were you holding your car keys or mentally planning your great escape? That's me all. the. time. And it's not like I do appreciate being invited to special events or big parties, but it drains the living life out of me. For the next couple of days, I either immerse myself in my work or just keep people at bay for a while. I especially get overwhelmed if someone is talking to me and never letting me say one word, nor letting me out of their grip. It's like they're raping my ear. I can't take it and I feel like screaming. Then again, there are times when I'm overloaded on coffee where I can become quite the Chatty Cathy. So there's that. I'm not perfect either. But I always try to let the person respond and I try to never dominate the conversation.
Karen Gavin-Edwards responded to my friends post and said, "And for the record "she" came in 3rd & 5th....Beaten by REAL GIRLS....f*ckin' LOSER!!" It's like -- where does that anger come from? Why are you so upset over this? And how does this affect your life at all? I don't understand that kind of cruelty and negativity. Do people actually think that their comments are private? I understand having a strong opinion against this topic, but to go above and beyond the call of cruelty is just so toxic. I'm really disappointed in people these days. For someone who works for the NYPD, (as listed as her employer on Facebook) -- this scares me a lot. We already have enough problems with our officers being bigoted and racist. Hopefully the more you expose these people, the less they'll be likely to post such hatred so publicly. But even if they don't post the bigotry publicly, they'll secretly have this hatred in their hearts. God forbid she has to pull over someone who is from the LGBT community. Would she give them more of a punishment? Probably so, but I don't like to assume.
When people discuss politics and religion, especially debating about it -- this is all ego driven. It no longer becomes a belief about "this" or "that". It becomes their identity. So if you insult a candidate, or say you insult their god in some way, then you are directly insulting them. In fact, the mental illness, "paranoia" is a huge element of very own our ego. The ego has to be right, but the ego is also a fear-driven self-preservated beast driven by personal agenda only.
Those are examples on a much larger scale. But think about how the ego works when we are dealing with other people with different opinions and lifestyles that we may disagree with. It no longer becomes about the presumed "right" or "wrong" -- it now becomes a personal matter. And then, it'll manifest into some form of paranoia. "I need to get them before they get me." And that's how these political arguments on Facebook are. The ego always needs to be right. But what if we put aside our ego? What if we truly believed in God and realized that politics as well as "religion" is all a worldly thing that ultimately separates us as humans? Nobody can do that because they can't get out of their own way.
I guess it's safe to say that I'll be taking a much needed break from my personal Facebook page. I don't find anyone to be vile or toxic on social media platforms such as SnapChat or Twitter. I don't understand why the first rule of conversation in public is "no politics, no religion" -- but the first thing that springs up on Facebook is exactly that. And sometimes, you just need a break.
How do you deal or respond to negative people in your life?
For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!