Wednesday, December 30, 2015

From Soup to 'Nuts'

It's strange how some things may appear as one way, when actually it's the total opposite. Speaking on a lesser scale -- I can offer you a cupcake and you'll say "no" when in fact, it's the one thing you've been craving all week. "No" can be a self-discipline type of mechanism that we use in order to better ourselves in some way. Even the word "love" can be a self-discipline type of mechanism. For instance, two people can be totally in love, but the relationship itself is very unhealthy for whatever reason. Sometimes, the words, "I hate you" is screamed out, when in fact the words, "I love you" still remains deep in the heart. I remember an ex of mine screamed out, "I hate you!!!" I was so shocked -- so hurt beyond words, that I could barely even respond. A few days later, I had to ask, "You hate me?" The words kept repeating themselves inside my mind. "I HATE YOU!" That's all I could think or hear during the days after those words were said. I couldn't shake it. So when I asked her, "Do you really hate me?" She said in a very low tone, "No Deb. I don't hate you. In fact, it's the very opposite." I didn't get it until years later of course. It still hurt, even after knowing she still loved me. But my point is: we sometimes save ourselves from ourselves by proclaiming the opposite. We know that "this" is bad for us, so we proclaim our feelings to match the circumstances. You can love someone with all your heart and yet the relationship still remains very unhealthy. So by saying, "I hate you" (as dramatic as that sounds) -- those words will definitely push the other person away. Sometimes, people think it's the only way. I mean -- who wants to be with someone who hates them?

Here's another example of proclaiming the exact opposite of what you want:

"I don't want to live anymore."
"I just want to die."
"I want to kill myself."
"I wish I was dead."

All of the above statements are to be taken very seriously. But sometimes, it's just a cry for help. Most times, those words -- those phrases actually say, "I WANNA LIVE!" I'm even guilty of using these phrases myself when I'm in a deep depression. When you have depression and you're in the midst of a dark depressive episode -- you're not fully living. It's' like a heavy fog that never seems to lift. The person may think, "Well, if I'm going to live like this, then I don't want to live at all." But yet -- the person desires to live -- to live a life that's more fulfilling. That's the wish -- it's not death -- it's life that's being wished for. Many people don't understand this type of thinking, especially if they've never experienced clinical depression before. Even when the words, "I don't wanna live" are muttered out, that can be taken very seriously by a professional or someone who really doesn't know you well enough. That could be good or bad depending on your level of depression. If the depression is so bad that those words are actually borderline truth, then not taking it seriously can jeopardize your very own life. But how do you really know? That's the seriousness of it. But many people will just rattle off these phrases in order to try and scream out, "I WANT A BETTER LIFE! I WANT TO LIVE!" But the words aren't heard -- the only thing that is being heard is: "I wanna die." 

"But I wanna live..."

Some things we deem to be true are actually the exact opposite or not as they appear to be, as well as drastic changes that happen without major realizations of it.

Death is another word for eternal life.
The end is always the start of a new beginning of something else.
The color white is every color of the rainbow.
Someone's sunset is somebody else's sunrise.
Babies are born into this world, while other lives are dying out of it.
Sickness turns into health, and health turns right back into sickness. (Think about that.)
Parents and children eventually swap caregiving roles.
There's a fine line between love and hate.
There can't be sound without silence.
There can't be objects without space.
There can't be lightness without darkness.

I think many of us need to take an intuitive approach to how we handle people and certain situations. For instance, I learned that when people are hurting on the inside, they tend to project their negative feelings and hurt those around them. I had a "friend" on Facebook write something a bit offensive toward women, but somehow, I read right through his cry for help. I'm going to share his post anonymously. We'll call him, "Ed".

Ed: "I had a weird moment earlier in the week when I realized that I've been divorced longer than I was married. That's some weird stuff. I know something about this nonsense that I'm gonna share with you. Women are smarter than men. Women can flip a switch in their heads, and you don't exist any more. You become persona non grata. You don't exist, and you never did. Men can't do that. Men become alcoholics and drug addicts and suicide victims because they obsess over women. If I were to sum up the difference between men and women, I'd tell you that women march into family court like they're on some mission, like it's a hostage situation, and they're freeing themselves from some imaginary "situation." Men slink into family court knowing that they've broken something that they can't possibly fix. You can't fix something when you don't exist. It's as simple as that."

From what you just read, (especially if you're a woman) -- did you find yourself becoming defensive? Did you take Ed's post to mean, "women are absolutely heartless creatures", or did you look into it deeper and realize how hurt this man is? The ego will twist this post into a 'me-me-me' type of scenario and lash out with offensive comments back -- which inevitably happened. I commented and just said, "I'm sorry. That's all." --- That's what he was looking for -- someone to just say, "Yanno -- this really sucks and I'm sorry you're going through this," not -- "That's not true! That's rude and inconsiderate and I'm offended!" He wasn't looking for an argument. Maybe subconsciously he was, but more so, his pain was writing that post. He was actually implying that he loves women so much that his vulnerability makes him feel hostage to women -- not women in general per se. Read into someone's words next time you feel offended.

Some things mean the exact opposite.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!