Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Life Interrupted

Simplicity is hard to achieve, and yet it sounds so simple. It's not. There's no such thing as a peaceful and quiet life. The simple things start acting up: small and major appliances start to breakdown, roof repairs due to leaks, schedules that push away family and friends, a loved one gets ill, a loved one passes, and on and on. Life isn't made to be simple. I found that out the hard way. Yes, they tell me to 'dance in the rain' and 'be calm during the storm', but sometimes, it's kind of frustrating when it feels like you just never get a break from any of these 'small inconveniences' in life. And when the big inconveniences come waltzing through -- you're just dumbfounded. You get the hazy mile long stare and lose hope of anything good; anything simple. It seems impossible.

And then there's faith.

Things aren't always what they seem.
Sometimes I call it the "rose colored glasses syndrome" because I have held my faith for so long and with diligence, and find myself dropping everything saying, "I give up." I try my best to do the right thing, but it seems unnoticeable to most, or to the one person who means the world to me. When I'm having a good streak of luck, I get sick or my back goes out or my digestive system rips me into pieces where I cannot leave my house. I end up at the doctor's and get a zillion tests to prove that nothing's wrong with me.

"Go on with your life. You'll be fine." 

I'm one of those types of people who doesn't ask for much at all. I don't want a $3,000 dollar purse. I don't care to get an $800 dollar pair of shoes. I don't want to match up anything with anything. (As long as it's not plaid.) I just want a microwave that won't shoot fireballs out from the vents, a simple coffee maker (I'm using a 1950's percolator now) and maybe even throw in a $5 t-shirt so I can till the garden once this rain stops.

But there is hope.

My family. They're the world to me. I want a peaceful life knowing that my family will be here, laughing as we always do together, watching our pets play out in the yard and BBQs throughout the entire summer. I want LIFE. I don't want to have to keep life afloat and what I mean is -- I don't want materialistic things that'll have me in debt till I'm pushing up daisies. If ever I had to move out of this house and rent some small shoebox studio apartment -- I'd hook that bitch up and make it my own. Like I said, I am not about the money, the fame, the 'keeping up with the Joneses life' --- I'm "me" and I will never change in that aspect.

Busy-busy-busy-busy. Everyone's so incredibly busy. Slow down. Life's way too short. I remember Dad always saying, "Ya know sumptin' -- it was like yesterday I was starting my own business in my teens. And like that (snapping his fingers) I'm sitting here at the age of 75 dying of cancer. Where'd it all go, Deb?" God I miss him… But he was right. I'm sitting here at the age of 40 remembering my first apartment at the age of 23 and cooking my first dinner in a small kitchen. I was so happy. And like that (snap) I'm here, thinking, "Did I miss out on life?"

We're so busy trying to get "there" that we're not even noticing what's right under our noses "here".  The words, "Yes, let's get together soon" has now translated into, "You'll probably never see me again unless I post something up on Facebook." We don't even get a chance to miss people because of this goddamn social media bullshit. We remember birthdays only by Facebook's reminders that come flying through our smartphones. When was the last time you wrote a handwritten letter?

When was the last time you truly enjoyed life?

We take many things for granted, especially the people in our lives. Newsflash: They're not always going to be around! I remember sitting on the couch watching the Yankees with my father drinking gin and tonics. My father was never the touchy-feely-compassionate kinda guy, but you were confident he loved you to death by his actions. But that night was different. He knew he had cancer and was flying in and out of hospitals and radiation. He was so tired. He took my hand, held it and started talking about all the fun things we did together and all the vacations we took. We spoke about the first time him and I went fishing together on the ocean in Montauk. I got to tell him I loved him while holding his hand. I got to tell him he was my best friend growing up. I got to tell him everything I needed to tell him.

Not many people get that chance.

There are a billion and one quotes out there on social media and the internet that say, "Tell em' you love them while they're still here" --- and all that is nice, but we read it every single day. Have we become immune to it? I have that relationship with my mother. I tell her I love her every chance I get and show her by actions the best to my ability, and she of course, does the same. We go shopping together, go out for dinner together and try to gather up the family as much as we can. She's the staple in this family that binds us together. My sisters and myself have this incredible best friend: Mom. Every second, every moment counts, even if you're endlessly looking for appliances in Home Depot every week. It's so worth it.

I also try letting my close friends know how much they mean to me. But there's this quiet distance that sort of takes center stage -- an unknown, unspeakable pseudo feeling that makes us think, "Nah, they'll be around if I just keep busy for a while." And when you come back from all that busyness, it may be too late.

The same goes with relationships and marriages. If you don't water the foundation you two stand on, it'll never grow, nor will it sustain the inevitable storms. And they will come. It throws you off course when you're too busy and unavailable to water your garden of eden (or so you thought). So, you become distant, cold, almost robotic. The same routine drills into your days, weeks, months and years -- so then, the distance becomes that much greater. And in some cases, you become more like roommates -- passing ships in the night with no real quality time to give to your partner. And so, the other one looks away…looks for another ship to save her while the ten o'clock news blares away in the background. Throw on your life preserver because it's either, save your ship or call for help. Help usually arrives in the form of another ship willing to take on the precious cargo that you couldn't carry yourself.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Friday, April 25, 2014

June Thomas: If You Want Acceptance, You Have to Give it First

Back in the day when I used to frequent gay bars around the area, I rarely took note on who was straight, bi, gay or lesbian. All I knew was that it was a place that accepted gays and lesbians - it was a place that accepted me. Anyone else who wasn't gay or lesbian were more than welcome to come join us. It wasn't a big deal, unless the person was some sort of pervert harassing the clientele -- that's a different story. That can happen anywhere. When my wife and I go to places like Provincetown, 90% of all bars and restaurants are gay and lesbian clientele, who are also "straight friendly" --- meaning, they accept everyone. We don't judge you by your orientation, because we don't like it being done to us when we walk into a straight establishment. Makes sense, right?

June Thomas, a writer and critic for an online magazine called, Slate, feels a bit differently. In fact, she feels that heterosexual people should not even walk into a gay establishment. She sends off a very strong message, "this is our place -- our turf" --- and makes it known that if you are straight, that you are not welcome. On top of that, if you're straight mingling with 'us' --- that you need to tip more, as she calls it, "the straight tax". She also stated, "If you go into a gay bar, just turn around." That statement also included straight or gay men who walk into a lesbian bar.  Let me just say one thing about that statement alone. Provincetown has these specialized weeks for people who vacation there. Some weeks are for the bears, some dedicating it to women of color and in October, it's "Women's Week". I cannot tell you how much I detest Women's Week because of the lack of gay men and drag queens. Men make the place that much colorful, and without them, it's just vanilla. I will say, people (mostly bull dykes and man-haters), much like June, are the ones who frequent Women's Week. June admits she is a "separatist", so it says a lot about her character. It tells me, that somehow, in her past, she was extremely hurt by a man. She wants to separate herself so eagerly at any cost to her reputation.

Why?

Fear.

"The heteros are walking on our turf!"
I only separate myself from things that I fear. I fear things that have hurt me. I fear getting stung by a bee. I avoid them at all costs. I fear food that make my face and tongue swell, so I avoid it. Luckily, I was never hurt by a man before. If I ever was, I would probably fear them too, but I have the know-all to realize that every single human being is incredibly different. I don't place blame on an innocent person just because someone in my past made it difficult for me. If you listen to June's nonsense, she is anti-straight. Why do you think she hates straight people so much? And why does she hate gay men? I even get this feeling she's a man-hater.  So a few heteros stood firm on their religious beliefs. Go on with your life. As far as gay men, here's what happens: gay men are mainly drawn to straight women, aka "fag hags". Gay men are also more prone to socializing with feminine lesbians. For whatever reason, most butch women do not get along with gay men, vise/versa. It's not only my opinion, I want to even venture to say that it's a fact. I guess you would call it a social observation of mine.

If we set the bar equally, as June feels --- then how about taxing all gay and lesbian customers who wants to buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks? If you want so much acceptance, then you need to also give acceptance. And just because straight establishments are outnumbering the LGBT ones -- that should only give us more motivation to accept all people of all lifestyles. You show the world how they should behave by your example, not do the total opposite. This only separates us even more and makes it difficult for others to instill equality, especially for our lawmakers. We set by example. When you have a bigger soapbox to step on, a platform to where you can voice your opinion to millions of people, why would you ever try to separate people? Why not bring them together instead?

Remember when AZ and other states wanted to pass a bill that would enable business owners to have the right to discriminate against anyone (especially the LGBT community) under the banner of "freedom of religion"?  If the law was passed, a business owner can refuse services and/or kick you out of their establishment because you were homosexual. The LGBT community were outraged that they were trying to set us back 50 years -- to a time when they even discriminated against different races. "No blacks allowed."  Well what if gay establishments put, "No straights allowed" signs on their buildings? That would probably draw some negative attention from some negative straight folk. I'm sure of it.

People like June Thomas, a militant lesbian who wants the whole world to be gay and lesbian, gives the LGBT community a bad name. These are the types of "gay bullies" if you will, that make heterosexual people angry. By her example, she can easily make a heterosexual person feel that this is everyone's view. And I assure you -- it's NOT. If lawmakers only looked at examples as bad as June Thomas, then I'm sure it would be that much challenging to have equality here in the states. And if publishers such as Slate want to let her be the voice of their website, then they're going to lose a lot of readership from all the ignorance they're airing out to the public.

Take a look at her video.



A separatist or a bigot?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

We Are Who We Are Without the Announcements

It should be okay, I mean -- why wouldn't it be? Nobody cares if you're gay, straight, transexual or bisexual, right? It's strange to have this preconception that most of the world is accepting, until a celebrity outs their true opinion over their distaste in the homosexual lifestyle. That's when you see the world coming out with their own opinions and religious beliefs, condemning the LGBT people to hell. This is exactly why I'm not a "show & tell" type of person. I'm not in the closet, but if you ask if I'm married, I will say "yes" --- and that's it.

I don't know your beliefs or opinions on whether or not you think being gay is a sin or it's just "gross" or whatever you may think. And why should anyone care what anyone thinks? For me, it's about safety. Safety from a possible hate crime, safety from maybe some perverted idiot or safety from just people who'll attack me with mere words and of course, religious zealots bashing me over the head with their bibles. I just don't want to be bothered with it while I'm out somewhere. I also don't care for the ignorance of the world - those who seem to look at homosexuality as they do with incest.

Even though I may be an advocate, mostly online with articles and online documentaries for the LGBT community, I am not a fan of publicly announcing "in person" that I'm a lesbian for the above reasons. In the same breath, I feel it's important that your family knows and if you have a partner, that you're not just the "friend" that visits. In public, it's nobody's business, unless you choose so. The most annoying thing is a proud straight friend who has a gay or lesbian friend. It's just as bad as a white person ranting on about how one of their best friends happens to be black.

Regardless of the intention, it's never a good idea to "out" someone who hasn't outed themselves first to whoever is present. Leave it up to them. Society isn't always welcoming and sometimes, it can do more harm than not. I used to go out with this friend of mine who always had to make it known that I was her "lesbian friend".  Part of the reason she did this was to make it clear to any of her potential suitors that I was by all means, unavailable -- instant disqualification for me. There were some friends of mine who felt it was kinda "cool" to have a lesbian friend, so they would out me to whomever they introduced me to, whether in front of me or while I went to powder my nose. "Psst, she's gay."

But I'm like, "Psst, I don't do party tricks, either…"

More and more states are legalizing gay marriage finally. Partners who have been together for 20+ years are now able to make their longtime union official. I love seeing that as well as seeing new couples deciding to tie the knot. And even though it's become more progressive, it really hasn't in society. It looks that way, but it's a huge facade due to the many people who secretly hold their bibles in their pockets, because well, religion is the new 'gay' now. You have to be more secretive about your religious beliefs than you do about your own sexual orientation. I don't even say a word about religion to new people due to my beliefs, because they always want to know how I justify being a Christian and a lesbian. Once I say "it's not a sin", the debate inevitably fires up. So, I remain neutral in public. You won't hear a peep from me unless you ask me sincerely.

I'm not ashamed of who I am. I'm ashamed of how others act and react over being around gay and lesbian people. I will never expect everybody to be fully accepting, because that's just an unrealistic dream. I don't want everybody to be accepting. I just want to live my life peacefully with my partner and not have to worry about other people having to "out" me all the time. I know this post sounds like I'm angry, but I'm really not. I'm just trying to explain how awkward some people make it for us.  It's like walking into a restaurant with your friend who happens to be a beautiful transexual woman and letting the entire table know that at one time, she was a he. It's just wrong and certainly none of anyone else's business. We are who we are without the announcements.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Friday, April 18, 2014

Today's the Day

There's something to be said about Good Friday. It's not about fasting or sustaining from meat of any kind, but it's more about observing the day itself. If you choose to avoid meat on this day, then great. That's a personal choice in my opinion, just as giving something up for Lent is. Today is one of the most precious days of all -- the day Jesus died for us. He knew he would die today. I can't even fathom that. I think about all of my imperfections as a sinner: I drink too much, I curse too much and I can be cranky at times -- and although I am learning day by day what's best for me and what not to do in life, He still forgives me anyway. He has given me the gift of life just by what He did for all of us today. One on one, we talk about my challenges as a Christian and let me tell you -- it's amazing how much He has blessed me with overcoming certain problems in my life. By faith, I am saved. By faith, you are saved. And it's all because of today. I am so grateful.

Jesus Anointed by the Sinful Woman

One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted the invitation and sat down to eat. A certain immoral woman heard he was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, “This proves that Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”

Then Jesus spoke up and answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”

“All right. Teacher,” Simon replied, “go ahead.”

Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”

“That’s right,” Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t give me a kiss of greeting, but she has kissed my feet again and again from the time I first came in. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.

Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The men at the table said among themselves, “Who does this man think he is, going around forgiving sins?”

And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” ~Luke 7:36-50

Through her faith- and only by her faith, she was saved.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Grammar Nazi II

A while back, I did a Grammar Nazi post, but in an entirely different light. This one's a bit different, but I will still entitle this as a "part 2". Lately, I've been doing some side work on editing essays and other write ups for other people. I always let them know that there may be a sentence or two that'll need restructuring, or in most cases, correction on simple grammatical errors. I always ask, "Do you mind being critiqued or corrected?" The answer is usually a solid, 'not at all', so I give it my all, expecting the person to be okay with whatever feedback comes flying their way. I feel comfortable writing this, knowing that this isn't a personal attack on anyone, but more of an observation of other people's style of writing. I do everything from essays, bios and articles for submission.

Most people who give me their work are college students and graduates who are looking to get their foot in the door. In my opinion, there is no "wrong" or "right" style of writing, however, if I need to reread your sentences a few times before understanding it, I will definitely let you know it needs restructuring. I'm not perfect, and at times I need my own restructuring master, but some of the work I've received is just mind boggling.

Know your losses.

"Loose" and "lose" are two different words. Use them appropriately.

"Their", "there" and "they're" are very different.
"Their" is a possession of more than one person. "Their company had cutbacks."
"There" is a place. "Over there, is where I need you to be."
"They're" is a combination of two words: "they" and "are". "They're working on the problem."

"You, you, you…!"
You. …You! You! You!
When writing "you're" (which is "you are") --- never use "your".
Your: "Your fly is open."
You're: "You're an ass."

I remember when I first started writing, I asked a professional writer to critique my work. I thought I had written my best piece ever, but when she handed my article back to me, her red pen must have ran out of ink. My problem was more or less about punctuation - where and when to place it and "if" it should be placed. I overused semicolons and did the 'dot dot dot' after certain sentences that required none. I was taught proper sentence structuring (to the best of my ability) and the uses of "have had" instead of just using "had" alone. There were many other types of mistakes that I make and sometimes still make.

Interestingly enough, I found that a lot of people are using third person narrative lately. For me personally, I find it very creepy and disturbing, unless you're asking yourself, "Where is this going, Deb?" More like talking to yourself --- not "Deb thinks poor grammar is disheartening." I just keep thinking about that Seinfeld episode where Elaine meets that guy at the gym and all he does is talk in third person. "Ya know, Jimmy is pretty sweet on you." My point is, never, ever, ever use third party narrative unless you're some type of serial killer.

I handed back one document that needed hours worth of redoing, not even so much about correction. I felt like I was reading it in another language. She was trying so hard, that the words on the paper were not of hers at all. I couldn't even imagine those words or sentences coming out of her own mouth. She was so focused on using proper English, that her entire personality was completely drowned out. It was like she was trying to be someone else. And I get it -- sometimes writing does require to swerve around your initial personality in order to make a valid point, but in my opinion, never lose your voice in the process. Let the reader "hear" you. Needless to say, she got very offended and never spoke to me again. If you don't want my advice, then don't ask for it.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Self-Medicating In This Crazy World

They did a census that discovered that 80% of people admitted to self-medicating themselves with alcohol due to stress, and the other 20% lied. About 5 years ago, I did a 90 day "clean out" and went to AA for support. My moderated drinking had turned out to be moderation at first, but I was quite the weekend warrior and I needed it to stop. So, I shuffled into some church basement and sat amongst longtime veterans who have been sober for 20+ years, and some who only were sober for the past 12 hours or so. I remember one lady who befriended me. She was only there for a month or so. She would drink a couple of glasses of wine while she cooked dinner for her family and during dinner, she'd have 1 or 2. I'm sitting there thinking, "Okay, who forced you to come here?" To me, that just seems like nothing. Then I thought, there's approximately 3-4 glasses of wine in a bottle, so…maybe it is something? Maybe she just needs a bigger glass? She was raising 4 kids who were still in elementary school. She had to cart them around to all different types of activities after school as well as give them a social life on the weekends and drop them off at their friends' houses. She did everything. She cooked, cleaned, went shopping and made sure her ship was running smoothly, maybe not 'tightly', but sure as hell smoothly.

Wouldn't you drink a few glasses if you didn't have a moment to yourself?

The only moment to herself was cooking. She sometimes would skip a day of showering just so she could get everyone in order so they wouldn't miss their bus. Then her day would begin and for a stay at home mom, it's all about prepping -- if you want to have a home that has dinner on the table, clean clothes in your children's closets and maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse all in a day's work.

And it is work.

I'll have another.

What if you have a career? Think about that same woman coming home to make dinner (or do her best at throwing something together that's somewhat healthy) and spending your weekends grocery shopping, cleaning, doing laundry and making sure the house was in order. She doesn't have a day off. Her entire life revolves around her demanding job and well, her demanding tasks at home. Let's just top that off with perhaps, a bit of turbulence with the spouse and some trouble with one or two of the kids in school. Let's throw in some bills, mortgages, taxes and an unexpected furnace that just took its last breath. Unexpected expenses can definitely wreak havoc if you're on some sort of limited budget.

I'll have another.

I'm just giving one example. We all have our crosses to bear and we all have different outlets. Even if you see a therapist, it still doesn't help you when you're going through a crisis at home and your next appointment is for the following week. And who can afford the therapy bills to begin with? A decent psychologist will run you at least $150.00. With insurance (if you're lucky enough for it to cover it), it'll go to $65.00 and up. Then they have the good ol' sliding scale for those who can't meet those payments, which is based on your income. They give one look at your income and never take into consideration that those funds need to support your family. So, therapy's out of the question for most. Even if it's $50 per week, you're looking at $200 every month. And most of the time, it doesn't help.

I'll have another.

Is it me, or does it seem like it's just extra stressful these days? Between school shootings, random shootings in malls and all these kids having ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, bullying, etc., etc. --- you have to wonder, why is this all happening now?

Think about it. Your children are addicts now.
"What do you mean, Deb?"

They are instant gratification junkies. They need approval over everything and at any given moment, one of their peers can send a message within 5 seconds letting them know what a loser they are. If you think about it, (and if you're around my age) we didn't have the internet, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat or Hot or Not apps. What the hell is a selfie? I mean -- we didn't even have cell phones back when I was in high school. Now I'm really showing my age. But the one thing we didn't have?

Shootings.

We also didn't have ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression and bi-polar disorder. We weren't thrown antidepressants just because we had a bad day at school. We weren't eating foods rich in hormones, steroids and antibiotics. Those are all ingredients for a disaster waiting to happen.

Look what happened in PA yesterday. A young 16 year old boy named, Alex Hribal went on a stabbing spree. Twenty-one students and an adult security guard were wounded, officials said. Witnesses said the boy, who was wearing a "blank expression" on his face, first tackled a freshman and stabbed him in the belly before getting up and running wildly down the hall, slashing other students. One boy suffered a pierced liver after being thrust with one of the 8-to-10-inch knives, narrowly missing his heart and aorta, doctors said. The teen was finally tackled by an assistant principal and a security guard, who were able to subdue him until police arrived. Alex Hribal, 16, who left 20 people stabbed Franklin Regional High School in Murrysville, Pennsylvania. Alex Hribal is accused of using two 8-to-10-inch knives in the stabbing. Read more here.

I'll have another.

Alex gave no indications of what he was about to do. He showed no signs of agitation or depression. He. just. snapped. And we wonder why many kids around his age drink just to cope and deal with the bullshit they have to go through every single day in their school, where they're "supposed" to be safe. The word "safe" is no longer an option.

Granted, I don't have kids, but I sure as hell have my own set of stressors. But I place blame on quite a few things attributing to these strange behaviors of all people: antibiotics, steroids and hormones in our food sources, as well as on a social level, the internet with all of its social media. We have access to everything -- how to make a bomb -- how to commit the perfect suicide -- how to, how to, how to. The internet has been blamed for providing much information to those who had committed homicide and suicide.

But what can we do? Nothing. It's here. We can't stop it.

So pour yourself another, because honestly, it's only going to get worse. I know, I'm such a pessimist.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Saturday, April 05, 2014

Trying to Understand a Cranky Sonuvabitch

It's just human nature that people in general can get cranky once in a while. Sometimes it's due to issues at home, work or just something in their genetics that make them just a plain sonuvabitch.  I try to look past it and not take it so personally. It bothers me more if a loved one gets all pissy with me. Then I wonder, hmmm, why are they so agitated? And then I obsess about it and of course, usually take it personally. But I've learned, it's not how they treat you, it's how you respond to it. My response has gotten better lately…kind of. I try to just remain calm, wait a day or two and if it passes, wonderful. If it doesn't, I usually avoid that person entirely. I mean, the best thing I can do is ask the person if they have an issue with me, but I don't, and that's my choice and that's their problem if they can't address something like a human. They can stew all they want in their bitter juices. (And there's my cranky part kicking in.)

What about strangers? I can totally blow that off because of a few factors:
  • Someone probably pissed them off and they feel the need to take it out on you.
  • The person is just batshit crazy.
  • The person just lost their job.
  • The person is going through a breakup. 
I have no clue. The list can go on and on. What I do know is this: I find it comical when waiters and waitresses are mean. The only reason I find it funny is because I'm sitting here as potential funding for your electric bill, and you're going to treat me poorly? So I take it in stride. Last night Madelene and I shuffled our way down to the local diner for some grub. I use that term loosely because the food is pure shit there. Anyway, I was feeling like 'shit' to begin with, so why not eat it. The chipper little hostess grabbed those monstrous menus and danced her way over to the booth where we'd be sitting. 

"And voila! There you go ladies!" 

She's not even working on tips and this broad was one happy lil' daisy. 

We took our seats and waited for the waitress to come waltzing our way. I never look at the menu. Why would you? The same crap is on all of them. They should just mass produce all diner menus and be done with it. Same goes with Chinese restaurants. They're all the same. 

Where was I?

The waitress comes over. She was slouched over my side of the booth as if she had pulled off three shifts in a row. She had short cropped spiky hair, green eyes, maybe about late 40's or early 50's and…gay. I know these things. My gaydar went off like a Christmas tree. 

"What's up girls? What are we having?" 
"Coffee." I said.
"Milk, cream, sugar?" 
"Black."
"Black??"
"Yes, black please." 
"Woo boy……And you?"
"Can I have my coffee with 100% pure maple syrup please?" Mad rambles off almost leaving the waitress' eyeballs in an eternal spin. 
"This isn't a Vermont diner sweetie."
"Oh, okay. Can I have the sugar then?"

The waitress looks over on the table, nodding, as if saying, "it's right there" --- and then says, "Do ya want me to pour it in for you?" 

Madelene just stares at her and smiles out of nervousness. 

The waitress slips away for a while and comes back with these cute little coffee mugs. 

"Decided yet?" 

Madelene does this annoying thing at restaurants where I have to cringe because everyone who takes her order usually quits their job an hour later. 

"I'm going to have a burger." 
"Do ya want the deluxe?" 
"What's in the deluxe?" 
"Fries."
"What kind of fries do you have?"
"French." 
"Can I substitute the fries with a spring salad?" 
"We don't have a spring salad. This isn't a 5 star joint, hun." 
"Okay. But do you have sweet potato fries?" 
"Yes."

Comes back with good ol' French fries.

I will never be mean to a waitress for a couple of reasons. For one, I used to wait tables and it's hard. You'll start to hate people after a while, so I give them credit. And two, I'd like to eat my food without saliva in it. I did however, happen to find cartilage and two white feathers in my chicken salad. That's a whole nutha' story. 

She quickly leaves and heads into the kitchen. I was laughing, because this waitress wasn't "mean", she was just dry and witty. The thing about good service in a diner is that most waitresses will always give you a coffee refill. While eating my dinner, I pushed my coffee mug to the edge of the table, letting my lovely waitress know that it was time for a refill. No one came. My waitress was at the end of the counter chitchatting with the other girls not even looking over our way. We eventually got our refills once we flagged her down, which was much effort on her part. After dinner, we asked if we could take the rest of our dinner back home. She literally threw the takeout tins at us and said, "There ya go." My point is, she probably had a really bad day, or she's having a really hard time at her job. You can tell when someone hates their job. We left her a fair tip when really, she should have gotten some pocket change. But you never know what someone else is going through.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!