Saturday, May 31, 2014
The worst is when someone tries to "insinuate" something about yourself that's negative. They'll talk about their "friend" or their "relative" who did "this" (something you have done), and start saying all sorts of derogatory things about the person and then end their rant with a …"Right?" Two things that piss me off about this: 1. It insults whatever intelligence I have, and 2. It makes me wonder how much of a goddamn coward that person is for not coming to me with whatever issue they have.
But see, I don't want to go there. I don't want to insult someone back just because I was cornered by some asshole who thought it was okay just to sit there and mock my entire life. Do you see how that works? If someone who is so insecure with their own lives, their own "bedroom woes" or just their general lot in life - they'll see someone else who is seemingly happy and content with what they have and tear them apart limb by limb. Nonetheless, it still hurts. I'm not sure if there's a full moon brewing, but these type of things are being thrown my way so much lately. To be honest, and I was never like this before - it's actually making me want to stay away from people altogether and just live somewhere miles away with my little dog. She's the only one that doesn't judge me and loves me for 'me'.
I was even mocked for having mild seizures at night, which keep me fearing my own bedroom. I went to a grueling sleep study that lasted two days, and I'm still waiting for the results. I was called a "hypochondriac" for this - (which I am at times) but it hurt because it is a very real and very scary condition. I have seen this same person make fun of his relative for having anxiety and depression, much like myself. You know, with just enough hurtful words, you can actually put someone who does suffer from anxiety and depression in a very dangerous situation. I'm not going to say that it's anyone's fault if someone decides to 'off' themselves, but you can definitely contribute, or be the "last straw" to which you'll probably never recover from mentally. I'm just glad that I'm strong enough to know that there are a lot of ignorant, uncaring and insensitive people roaming this earth.
It reminds me of an interview I did with Ryan Nickulas. He said something pretty significant.
That's one tough cookie. I wish I was more like him - able to take the blows just to defuse someone else's rage. That has to take some sort of mental toll on you, especially if you live in the public eye. I sometimes imagine other celebrities and what they may go through. Can you imagine complete strangers insulting you without knowing you personally? That has to be the worst feeling in the world. I have seen so many celebrities have that moment of madness and start a Twitter war, only to delete the tweets and/or delete their entire accounts. So, I give Ryan a lot of credit for being so incredibly brave and strong.
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