Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Perfect Relationship: Is There Such a Thing?

There's no rhyme or reason to any relationship. Each union has its own characteristics that make it unique. Dare I even compare them to snowflakes, but I won't. In my honest opinion, I've always felt you should choose your partner very carefully. Choose someone who will make you laugh, make you think, make you FEEL.  Choose someone who you can talk to as if they were your best friend -- because they should be your best friend. Choose someone who doesn't mind the silence in between and the chaos that strikes unexpectedly because one day when you're old and gray and no longer possess any sexual desire whatsoever, you're gonna want someone to back up the goods. Sex should be the bonus of a relationship -- not the main course. If you have both, kudos to you. You want someone that can make you laugh, someone who can hold a conversation and keep your interest. It's not going to be perfect -- no one's is. Every relationship has its storms, it's up to you whether you want to pump the dirty water out of the basement or leave it there with the remnants of that past storm, not forgetting, not forgiving. Clean that shit out. Why is the basement so important anyway? It's the foundation of what keeps your house strong; of what keeps your relationship intact.  Fix it or lose it. Or you can just let the water sit until it rots out the foundation. But atlas, it's only my opinion. If you base your partner by how he or she looks, then hopefully they'll have something else attractive when those looks fade to gray.

My friends have been together for over 20 years. I remember them dating in high school, and now they're married with kids. Till this day, they make each other laugh hysterically. They have been through deaths in the family, money problems, sicknesses, foreclosure, unemployment and even infidelity. Many couples would have gone their separate ways years ago, but these two stuck it out, worked it out and toughed it out. They remind me of what marriage is supposed to be. "Till death to us part" and "in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad." What happened to that? When you let a problem or issue in your relationship or marriage linger, there are times when the two people (or one) falls out of love. Once you fall out of love, is it possible to fall back in love with the same person? I remember when Madelene and I separated for a couple of years. It wasn't that we fell out of love, we were having major issues that were difficult to resolve. They always say, separation can either break or make you. Sometimes couples need a break, and that's okay. It's okay to experience the absence of the person who was always there. Cliché as this may sound, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I always wonder what other couples' "glue" is, that keeps them with their partners. There has to be that common factor that binds them together no matter what they're going through, like some sort of understanding on a much deeper and perhaps, unexplainable level.

The perfect relationship -- is there such a thing? I know mine isn't and I know for a fact that I screw up almost on a daily basis. I either say the wrong things or do the wrong things or I don't do what I'm supposed to do. I admit, I do read articles on relationships and sometimes I sit there staring at the screen like, "What? Are you kidding me?" All these "relationship experts" seem to have it down pat - as if relationships were the easiest things to manage. The divorce rate in the U.S. says a whole other story. I always think, "Wow, their partner must be the luckiest person in the world," -- meanwhile back at the ranch, it's a complete mess. I prefer "experts" to have opinions and not base on their "facts" or "you should do this" type of advice. There are no "facts" in relationships or marriages -- only experiences and the ability to know what you don't want.  I remember back in 2006 when I walked into the local bar to meet my friend. She asked, "Where's your girlfriend?" I said, "We separated." Her eyes popped out, jaw fell on the floor and said, "Noooooo! You two are the perfect couple! You gave me hope that relationships can be perfect!" That only proves that the outer appearances of couples can be quite deceiving. People are private. I was private. I never spilled the beans about my problems at home. But what may look "perfect" to someone may be the total opposite from the person looking in from the outside. I finally realized you can have "perfect" -- only if you're willing to accept all the imperfections of what a relationship or marriage has to offer. Then, in my opinion, that is the perfect relationship.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!