The Godfather's Daughter. How can this be? Why is she 'here'? I read a bit more about her online and found out she was with her lesbian partner. I immediately emailed her and got a quick response asking to meet her over at the bookstore so we could talk more. The stories we shared, some of the names in the family were actually the same and most of all, we shared a huge link: we went through similar things at the age of sixteen. (My story is here.) Vincent Gigante passed away in 2005. My mother recalls Vincent "The Chin" visiting the family in upstate New York years ago. Did he and my father set this up? Why are all of us in the same town at the same time? We both live near one another, yet we're almost 7 hours away finally meeting?!?! We both agreed that the parallels of our lives were just too obvious. I told her how fondly my dad spoke of her father and how my dad recently passed away as well. I'm still reading her book, and at times, I find myself in the same situations and relating to much of it while taking breaks in between to rest my emotions. The book is well written and so fascinating, but because of my own experiences, it is very hard for 'me' to read. It brings up many reminders. In my mind, she was another "me", who went through similar things. She was gay, she was the youngest daughter and felt like the only child -- same here. She lived in dark rooms so the FBI wouldn't "peek in". We were told to stay off the phones because they were tapped. So many parallels. I've witnessed horrible fights and brawls in my own house over "business deals gone bad". Although my dad was on the lighter scale of racketeering, it was still traumatic for me to witness all that I did. Check out her book. I even told her I was half way through writing my own story to which my dad provided all the information behind my personal experiences that I had gone through, but it was too heart wrenching to actually finish it. Maybe one day I'll get the courage. So I give Rita credit for finishing this book and doing so well with it. It was also nice to meet new friends with so much in common.
|Such a beautiful getaway; peaceful & much needed.|
I know that most 'back from vacation' posts are supposed to be filled with, 'we did this' & ' we did that' type of blabber, and of course there are many wonderful photos to back it up, but what those photos don't tell you are all the emotional rides I went on during that trip. Yes, I needed to get away, but I felt such extreme guilt for leaving my mother, for leaving my family and for even having a good time, or "supposed" to be having a good time. All I can say is, my vacation was quiet. It was peaceful. Madelene and I connected so much during this time. There wasn't much "partying" and celebrating. There was reflection while staring out into the harbor. There were walks down the piers trying to find the boat my father loved so much that had his name on it incidentally. There was a time I was eating clam bellies at my favorite restaurant when I had to run into the bathroom to just let out a few tears because the bartender said to us, "Clam bellies are hard to find in New York because they have to be fresh and served within two days and never frozen." Dad used to tell me that all the time. So while it was healthy for us to get away, I also purged a lot in the process, which is also good for the soul. I'm glad I went though. We definitely needed a 'time out', see our old friends and sit by the water drinking our favorite wine and reminiscing about many things, including our beautiful wedding we had there back in 2008. It was a good trip overall.
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