Monday, July 09, 2012

Tough Love Or Intolerance?

There are a lot of people who simply just amaze me. And I say "amaze" in not so much of a judgmental tone, but more on a curious level - like trying to get inside their minds in order to fully understand why they think and do what they think and do. Capiche?  I'll never forget about ten years ago, a friend of mine who was much younger than all of us had driven to our house crying hysterically. She was nineteen years old was still living with her parents at the time. What happened was, her parents found out by another family member that she was a lesbian and had been seeing a young woman for the past six months or so. I remember "Christine" sobbing through her words, telling Madelene and I how she was about to come out to them and truly thought that her parents wouldn't have made such a big fuss over it. When Christine came home from her job of working with those who are developmentally challenged, she found that her parents had all of her belongings out on the lawn. When she tried to open the door, it was locked. She frantically called them up to see what happened, but no one answered the phone. After sitting out on the lawn with piles of her clothes packed in hefty bags, Christine got a call from her older sister letting her know what took place and that her parents wanted her out of the house because she was gay. Being a homosexual wasn't tolerated in their household. Unfortunately, her sister lived on the west coast, so it wasn't like she could have just said, "Come over right now." Christine packed up her bags from the lawn and drove off into a mall parking lot to call her friends to see if anyone would have her temporarily.

I'm writing this story because a good friend's little sister is going through the same thing. She too got the big ol' boot from her parents due to their religious belief that homosexuality is a sinful abomination. So, until she is "cured", she can live back home. What I can't comprehend is how someone who believes in Jesus can actually shun their own child, kicking them out on the street. I just see it as conditional love -- true love would never do this. True love tolerates, unless of course the situation is "harmful" or threatening in some way. I guess they've never read certain passages in the bible like, "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. {1 Corinthians 13:4-7} Or, "For all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard." {Romans 3:23} And, "Jesus was asked, 'Of all the commandments, which is the most important?' Jesus replied, 'The most important commandment is this: Here O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord, your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important - love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.'" {Matthew 22:34-40}

Years ago when someone would ask, "Are you religious", I would say yes. But now I fully understand that I am NOT religious. I have a relationship with God - I do not worship 'man's word' - I am spiritual due to the fact that Jesus was tolerant to the most intolerable and that's the way I want to try and live my life. I'm imperfect, everyone is if they can truly admit it, which is why we need to yield a bit to those who may be different than us, or those whose lifestyle we may disagree with. God's the only judge that can make a call on 'that's bad' or 'this is to be looked down upon'.  Again, like I said, unless the situation or said person is seemingly dangerous or threatening to your life and well-being, then why can't people be just a little more tolerant of others? Especially a parent to a child. I just can't wrap my mind around that. People just amaze me. Do you feel this is tough love or plain ol' intolerance?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

4 comments:

Nancy said...

Oh how sad. While I can put myself in the parents' shoes who realize their dream for their child isn't reality (I have gone through this in different circumstances), I'm not sure how this would "fix" their kid, anyway, even if they needed to be "fixed." Which they do not, in my opinion.

Deb said...

Hey Nance,

Yeah, Mad and I have spoken about this so many times--- in terms of expectations when you have children. For instance (and off topic a bit), when people have kids just in hopes of someone to take care of them when they get old. There is nothing in the world that can guarantee a "good" kid - in terms of behavior, and also, nothing guarantees health or lack thereof. Anyone who is planning to have kids should expect nothing but to GIVE love to the best of their abilities with no expectation... maybe "hope", but not in an unrealistic way. I'm not a parent, and I can't imagine being one, but I really feel for children whose parents' have just shunned them over something so harmless.

Thanks, Nancy! <3

the walking man said...

In my opinion this is a natural offshoot of the lies that are spread through churches and self serving "News" organizations such as Fox (which openly admit they absolutely DO have an agenda.

You know Deb that most people if they keep hearing the same words over and over and over again they will eventually accept what they previously would not.

This whole kick 'em out attitude is more reflective on the parents evil than the so called sin of the child.

To all of them who will not tolerate or live in peace with diversity that does you no personal harm I say go to your god and be damned.

You know these past couple of years Deb I am proud to be known as your friend in the virtual world because you have really gone so much deeper into the well where the water is cooler and closer to the source. You amaze me still.

May you and Madelene and all you both touch continue to be touched with your growing understanding of how the car really shifts! {;-[p}---

Deb said...

You're absolutely right. Whether it's from the news they get, the messages at church they receive - it does reflect negatively on the parents. They're not doing "good" by kicking them out, in fact, they're most likely teaching them intolerance and perhaps have them develop other "issues" down the road.

I appreciate your input, Mark - always have. And when I finally get that damn shifter right, I will be at one of your poetry readings hopefully ---- or book signing! :)