Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Are You the Luster or the Lover?

As I sit to write this post, I just had walk over and close the window because there's a log still smoldering out on the back patio from the fire pit we had last night. It's strange how something can burn for so long and yet the people who enjoyed the fire are long gone, at work and moving on with their day. Isn't that how it is with certain types of relationships, or better yet, breakups? There's always one person still 'burning' for their ex, sometimes it's mutual, most times it's not. And like the people who  enjoyed the fire pit, they have no clue that the log is still burning, trying to hide its embers, but if you're close enough to it, you can still see it smoking, waiting to be rekindled. The entire process is really sad, especially if the other person lets the fire go out because theirs did long ago. There's no point. Start a new flame. There are rare cases where the need to rekindle is inevitable, but for those who are still pining for their long lost loves, the only thing that'll make that fire go out is time (and possibly a handy extinguisher). I truly believe that some people lust instead of love. And when one lusts and the other loves, it can become a tricky situation, especially when the two break up. The 'thrill' is gone for the luster, and the heart is still beating strong for the lover. There's also the confusion between lust and love.

It's hard to tell when someone says, "I love you", but merely loves the idea of the relationship. Is it "you", or is it the entire situation? Is it "you", or is it the fact they love being around your family and friends? Is it "you", or are they satisfying their lustful desires and playing the role of "the lover"? Through my own experience, I once dated someone who loved the idea of my life--- not me. She loved my family, my friends, where I lived, what we all did on the weekends and played the role of "the lover". Hindsight 20/20, it wasn't me that she loved at all. Looking back, there were no actions of love set in place. There were tons of words that flew from her mouth, but nothing out of the ordinary that 'showed' me that she cared. She was nice to me, we laughed together and had great times, but no real true sediments of love. I was blinded of course and overlooked those necessities because I truly loved her and showed her in every way I did. Sadly, it wasn't mutual. Of course I can assume and she can tell you a whole different story. There's a great saying someone once told me, I don't know the original author of this, but it goes: "There's always three sides to the story. Yours, theirs, and the truth." It makes so much sense because sometimes the "truth" gets muddled into a cornucopia of rattled emotions. It's like debating over religion - it gets you nowhere to argue over it. (And yet we always do.)

Have you ever thought about how you truly feel about your partner? Are you the luster or the lover? And sometimes, most lusters don't even realize how they truly feel, which makes the entire game so unfair.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

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