Thursday, June 30, 2011

Remember When...?

A long time ago, a friend stated that she couldn’t possibly go to this restaurant I suggested because it reminded her of her ex. It was a bar & grill that I’ve been going to for years. I said to her, “I have had around five exes that I took here, and hell if that’s gonna keep me away.” She just shook her head and said, “I can’t do that. It hurts too much.” Although I completely understand what she meant, I tried sharing how I felt about associating places, people and things. For me, it’s more about associating songs. Maybe I danced to a particular song with an ex or just attached a song reminding me of her. “Places” never did that for me. Any time I visit a place, I disassociate immediately - nothing attached, making it completely new. Some people, after a divorce or live-in situation, throw away all of their furniture (even if it’s pretty new), pictures, or objects in the home that was once shared by them. For me, yes, some of that must go, but if I really like an “object” - I make it new. Change around the furniture, rearrange your home or do something to make it your own again. For instance, and this is a big instance or too extreme of an example: would you disassociate yourself from your own child if shared by an ex? I know that’s way extreme, but it has to do with the mindset. And sadly, some people do.

The same friend also said, “I can’t drive down that road anymore.” It’s a road for the love of God! She went on, “We drove down this road all the time.” There are a million websites that tell you that the healthy thing to do is burn or throw away everything from the ex. If moving out of the area is feasible enough, do it. Get a new fresh start in life. But in my mind, the healthiest thing to do is start with your mind. You might be leaving a place that you absolutely love just to take the heartache away. Some people move across the country to only figure out that they’re thinking about their ex even more so, and perhaps a bit homesick to boot. The most stressful things in life include moving. (Oh GAWD do I know!) To pick up all your belongings after resting your head at the same home where you felt safe and comfortable is absolutely terrifying sometimes. After the move if final ---what now? Your thoughts were traveling in the move as well. They’re still there, along with your new place where you wanted to make a new start. What then? You have new surroundings, a new job, a new life...and the same thoughts.

People ask why I don’t travel much. Don’t get me wrong, I take vacations, go to the Cape or visit other places in the east coast, but I don’t do much traveling. I love where I live. It’s never boring for me. It’s always different. It changes all the time. The seasons make my surroundings different every three months, and most of all, my mind is content with the ability to ‘remain’. I often wonder how some people find it easy to pick up and move from place to place, state to state, without even thinking twice about it. It makes me wonder if they’re running away from something. They’re constantly traveling and traveling...running and running. It’s like a void that needs to be filled and never quite met. For myself, it’s about throwing away the negative thoughts and memories and holding onto the positive ones. I can always come home, sit on my deck and say to myself, “Remember when...?”

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com