Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Waiting in the Wings

All we need is some time to reflect on the things that made us happy at some point in our lives. All we need is less time to obsess over things that had come to an end. And sometimes, we need even lesser amounts of time to figure out why they have come to an end. As a result, those “happy times” become more of a facade; an illusion, and perhaps a prelude to the end. If hindsight is 20/20, then why do we sometimes repeat the same pattern? If doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is defined as “insanity” by Einstein, is it because we want to get it right the next time around? Is it because we want to improve on our mistakes? Is it so bad to go around the mountain once again, but with someone new, or with a different job but same line of work, as well as pursuing that dream that never fully comes into fruition? When will we “get it”, or do we have to realize that we’re not going to get it? Some people would call that giving up on your dreams. Others would say that we’ve finally come to our senses. All of these good-natured suggestions are enough to make your head spin.

What about on and off relationships? When does it come to the point of realizing that it’s not meant to be, or that they’re doomed to be together for life? Who’s to say what’s right or what’s wrong? Maybe it works for the two people. Maybe the “on and off cycle” is what keeps them in love, and maybe, it’s those ‘time outs’ that they need in order to rekindle that everlasting flame. Think about it: couples who seem to be on and off usually have more passion than a couple who has been together the same amount of time with no “offs”. Do we need the excitement of “oh dear God he/she’s gone” in order to appreciate them more? They say you never know what you got until it’s gone... But I wonder, if we truly know what we really want, wouldn’t we hold onto it without a chance of ever letting go? Or is letting go the one thing that brings love back? I’m reminded of a quote that speaks volumes: “An open rebuke is better than hidden love.” ~Proverbs 27:5 When we let go, we have to do it for the good and not to teach someone a lesson. Usually, tactics like that backfire.

I’ve come to realize that when pursuing anything, whether love, friendship, career, happiness or anything else in life, I have to let go if need be. I have to stop being the control freak that I am. I have to stop being super critical of my own work, on my own efforts, on my own life. With the increased control that I tried to gain, my nights of insomnia and nocturnal panic attacks had risen to its peak. Slowly, my obsessive thought patterns are lessening, but it’s still a work in progress. I have to remind myself, if I don’t get what I want - it’s okay. Whenever I hold on tightly to anything - it slips right through my fingers. I truly believe that’s one of the biggest reasons I have been suffering with my work. I needed that control. The more control I tried to rein in, the more anxiety and depression struck me down. The less control I have, the less disappointments there will be, and the less suffocating effects I may have on other people in my life. Letting go isn’t so bad, if you truly do it with a sincere heart and not for self-gain. Sometimes, it takes a long while before it kicks in, but it does. Lessons learned with peace waiting in the wings.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com