Friday, March 25, 2011

Complicated Friendships After 30?

Lately, I’ve come across something I haven’t in a long time. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been single or dating, or perhaps I just didn’t ‘see’ it or acknowledge the desperate attempts to get me to play the game: the chase. Women are fickle, be it in friendships or in relationships. I know there are women reading this right now that say, “Oh I don’t play that game,” yada yada yada -- and you may be the 1% that doesn’t, however, I have seen this all too often enough to generalize it into a female characteristic. And let me explain... In my ~own~ experience and point of view, there are two types of these women. The first one, we’ll call her Wanda (like that?) -- she’s the type that wants to know where she fits in. In fact, she’ll even ask you, “Where do I fit in?” And of course all of this has everything to do with insecurity issues. She wants to know ‘where she stands’ and to what level of friendship is she considered. It’s not so much as a desperate need for attention or playing games, she’s communicating efficiently asking questions the normal woman wouldn’t dare to ask. I give “Wanda” credit for at least communicating before ending the friendship. In any event, it's just way too complicated for me.

Then you have the game player. We’ll call her “Viola”. She plays the game, “Please Chase Me”. The funny thing is, you don’t even know you’re apart of this game until one day, when “Viola” says, “We’re not friends anymore” or something to that level that severs the relationship and then you say, “Well, okay if that’s how you feel, I respect that” ---then she quickly responds angrily, “Why do you give up so easily?!?!” I can have all the time in the world, but I don’t have time for that nonsense. I’m not a teenager and no, I don’t do “the chase” unless it’s my wife running around in her undies in our living room. I don’t chase my friends. I don’t beg my friends to “please, please stay” --- if you choose not to be friends with me, then that’s your decision that you have made for yourself. No friendship should be begged for. I also want to state that if you befriend me knowing that I have a wife, you should also know that I will still be married within our friendship. I don’t want to hear that we can’t be friends because “you want a girlfriend” - because I’m not stopping you from having a girlfriend. Whatever inner conflict you’re going through isn’t my problem. I welcome my friends into my home and into my life. That’s all I can do.

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." ~Newton, Joseph Fort
-To add onto his quote: ..& communicate only through text, Twitter and Facebook to get away from the real world.

Another part of this lovely scenario that I don’t understand (maybe because of my age), is communicating solely through text messaging. Let’s just stick to "Viola" for a bit on this one. She chose to communicate the entire severing of our friendship, as well as argue with me through text messaging. I kindly asked her, “Listen, if we’re going to talk about this, why don’t you give me a call on the phone so I can hear the inflection in your voice.” She wanted no part of that type of communication and said that texting was apart of her life and went on to say that my entire career is solely based on “text”. So, immediately I thought she was belittling my love for writing and asked her why she said that. She explained the process of “writing” was my life, not that I spend all day texting people. See how texting can be misconstrued? Sometimes people don’t quite understand what tone you’re speaking in and may take offense to what you type, which is why I asked to talk verbally over the phone...like an adult. Am I getting too old where I prefer to have conversations over the phone or in real life as opposed to hashing it out through text messaging?

Oddly enough, I met my friend through Twitter. We became friends almost immediately, and then we both took it into real life. We had a great time until something happened from within...which ultimately ended the friendship. After she ended ties, I took her off my Twitter account. She then asked why I did such a thing. So now she just wants to remain Twitter friends. Umm, no. I don’t work that way. I don’t work backwards. If you want to be friends, then let’s do it in real life. No more text messaging & tweeting encrypted messages that get misconstrued. If you still read what I tweet and enjoy my writing, then you should be able to enjoy me as a real life person. This is called “adult life” - learn it - live it - or simply leave it --completely.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com