Friday, June 18, 2010

The "Grudge" People

You’re probably wondering what grudge people are, but I do have a very good explanation. Have you ever been around somebody who constantly “ughs” every little thing in life? Everything is either an eye roll, a sigh, an eckkk or just a grunt of an unenthusiastic gripe. I can totally understand when people complain about something they don’t like or they don’t particularly care for, or perhaps, they’re going through a rough time and ‘grunting’ through it all - which is fine - but when does it come to the point of grunting at every little thing in life? Within the past year, I had to remove a couple of these “grudge” people out of my life. Their negativity eventually rubbed off and there I was, grunting about this and that. They’re the types that sit there and flap their gums about ‘she did this’ or ‘he did that’ and ‘why me, why me’.... If you stay with them long enough, you’ll find that you’ll be doing the same thing, or at least to some extent.

Then you have your ‘fishing grudge people’, where they’re in your circle of friends, but yet they want to fish for what you may think of someone else in your little circle. They start slowly complaining about a mutual friend, and then leave it open so you can take your turn. Do they want a commonality with you or do they simply wanna test the waters of resentment or some other issue you have with one of your friends? I can’t stand people who constantly have hidden agendas & motives. I can see right through it even before they open their mouths. Life’s too short to be complaining about a friend or nitpicking about every single thing in life. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt, but when it gets too much, I’m like, “Be gone!”

Another scenario that my wife and I have both experienced is another couple individually complaining about one another. Say if one is in our home, and then starts complaining about his or her partner -we automatically tune out. I understand if one of our friends is having issues with his or her partner, but if we are mutually friends with the both of them, then don’t come to us for free counseling. We don’t want the drama. It’s not that we don’t want to listen to our friends, it’s just not appropriate if we are friends with *the both* of them. Taking sides is always a touchy one, and usually, it’s the person we disagree with who comes complaining to us. I wonder why... We love spending time with other couples who are just in your company to relax, laugh and enjoy themselves, not to gripe about this or that.

There are some things that should remain quiet when you’re around certain people, and then there are people where you know that the comfort zone is completely free and clear to spill your beans about anything and everything. Maybe some people can’t decipher which is which? Maybe they don’t know they’re making their friends feel very uncomfortable talking about certain topics? With that being said, I’m a very good listener, but there’s a fine line between venting and “grudging”.

If you haven’t noticed, I “grudged” through this entire post. Hrmm...

5 comments:

Monkey Man said...

Are you sure we aren't related? 'Cause we seem to be cut from the same piece of cloth. I like 'grudge people' as a term of reference. I have always said these people just have a perpetual case of PMS - pissing, moaning and snivelling. This PMS is NOT gender specific. Great post as usual.

Deb said...

MM, I think we are! :) That's a compliment to me btw! I wanna ask these people: "Is life really THAT bad???" And remember, misery loves company...

Blue Rose Studio said...

So true, so true.
Rich and I try to work it all out amongst ourselves. If I can't trust him (and vice verse) with a "grudge" that I have with him, then what am I doing with him in the first place? Communication is absolute key in a relationship. It's never good for one to suck up something that they don't like the other doing. These things need to come out in the beginning of the relationship not after the commitment. If there is a red flag, hit it dead on. It maybe a misunderstanding or it may be something you doing want to be involved with.

I agree that seeking intervention from mutual friends tends to get one side after a while, then eventually explodes. Which is why friends should be friends and not mediators. And for those who have an agenda for being your friend in the first place, isn't a friend at all.

Deb said...

Thank you, Blue Rose! Communication is SO important when you're in a relationship or marriage. It should never be hashed out to a friend before your lover in my opinion. Thanks so much for your input!

Xmichra said...

I have friends that have one grudger and one other. lol.... and it is tired and old, listening to the one grudge about the other for sure. But it's awkward to say "hey, that's my friend, and you know what, i actually think you are wrong". Well. it would be hard if you weren't me ... lol.. which is why the grudger is mad at me..lol...
whatever!!