Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Can I Trust You?

Trust is to be earned. It doesn’t happen instantly and sometimes, it never develops for whatever reason. I’ve had trust issues for a very long time, for many reasons and because of many people. I also know, that while one person many hurt you, another person may not do the same. People are different and we shouldn’t bulk everyone into the ‘not to be trusted’ file, but when one person after the other betrays your trust, how do you let down your guard again? Eh, we can always say, “Trust no one”, and be on our way, but the best feeling in the world is to be able to trust someone completely, with everything you have, knowing that your secrets, your thoughts and your heart is safe. That, I have with Madelene. That’s what a true best friend is. We also have a friend that we know, who without a doubt, would hold any secret sacred. How do we know this? It’s by the way she keeps quiet about others. She doesn’t talk about anyone in means of gossip or “did you hear about this or that and who did what”----anything that goes in her ear stays put. It’s how we gage our trust with people.

Whenever you see someone talk about others negatively, or spill their secrets out into the open, their trust factor becomes questionable. Would you tell them details about your personal life after they have just discussed someone else’s? Of course not. Even if the person is angry or feels betrayed, that does not give them any right to tell details of that person’s life. It shows their true character flaws. With certain people, it means, “If you tell me anything and we end up in an altercation - your secrets with me are not safe any longer.” They basically have a contract inside their minds that enable them to spill the beans about everything regarding your life to anyone who is willing listen, just because they’re angry at the time. In Jewish law, (you can read more here) gossip “kills” three people: the person who speaks it, the person who hears it, and the person about who it is told. It’s also said that the person who listens to gossip is even worse than the person who tells it, because no harm could be done by gossip if no one listens to it. It’s then the gossip becomes like a game of telephone - the story gets a bit altered and by the end of the gossip line, it becomes a completely fabricated story.

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you."  ~Spanish Proverb