Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Exposed

Most knowledge comes from life experiences. The best thing a person can learn is what ‘not’ to do. They know better. It sometimes takes many trials and errors to figure out what does and doesn’t work, what should and shouldn’t be in your life and what you love, as well as what you dislike. And sadly, there are some that just don’t seem to learn no matter how hard life smacks them in the face. There are no wake up calls for that person, just the same day over and over with the same expectations and outcomes. They go around the same mountain a million times and expect to view a different scenery each and every trip. It has to get redundant. Believe me, I know... I’ve gone around that same mountain quite a few times. When I finally stopped and said, “no” - would you believe there were people traveling along with me begging me not to leave them? I hadn’t realized they were traveling with me this whole time.

About a year ago, I became friendly with a person who I thought was bright, intelligent, funny and had great insight to many things I had interest in. When asking for advice, she was there to help. Little did I know, and soon found out (just recently), that her entire life was a lie. With little information I can provide on this post, I will just say that sometimes, the people we think we know are the very ones we have no clue about. In fact, when confronted and asked politely about what was found out about her, she vowed to silence and said, “Don’t make things worse than they already are.”  She admitted that she was a fraud. Through much embarrassment and pangs of anger, she tried to bite back with spreading lies about me. It didn’t get too far because I know the truth, and thankfully, the people she had told all knew it wasn’t true, plus, who would believe the source anyway?

“Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow. Putting confidence in an unreliable person is like chewing with a toothache or walking on a broken foot.” ~Proverbs 25:18-19

Ironically enough, the person had fabricated stories about me which were all mirrored of herself and her entire life. Insecure people who lash out at those who they are extremely angry with use, psychological projection. They use the very things they hate about themselves to hurt other people, because they themselves, are hurt by their own faults. I used to be affected by people like this. I really felt they thought all of these horrible things of me when actually, they were only trying to push my buttons out of revenge. It had little to no affect on me whatsoever in the long run, but it still hurt to hear a “friend” talk so negatively about me; how someone can turn so violently against me. I couldn’t understand it. Even having gone through this a few times, it’s still a shock to my system when “friends” or acquaintances behave like this. My friend’s last attempt at ‘pushing my buttons’ was an attack on my marriage - saying it wasn’t “real” and how we really weren’t married at all, even having seen all my wedding photos with her own eyes. I now figured out that she meant, we weren’t married in the eyes of the majority of “people” because we were gay. She also stated that by the length of our relationship, being that I have been with my partner for approximately 14 years, that we couldn’t possibly still have the same spark we once did and how unhappy I was.  She stereotyped our relationship just to anger me.

“When arguing with fools, don’t answer their foolish arguments, or you will become as foolish as they are.” ~Proverbs 26:4

Think about this: why argue with someone, when you already know that they are only stating these awful things to just push your buttons? By knowing their motive, it’s pointless to argue with them, because they themselves already know the truth. They just want to see how far they can push. Either laugh at it, remain silent, or simply just walk away. Staying there trying to defend what’s already truth is senseless. I’ve only come across two very bitter friends who have dug the knife deep into my back and gave it a little twist or two. I admit, I was a fool to trust another person in the same way, but as I grew older, and with more lessons learned, I have a couple more brain cells (not much more) to know better.  I’m not saying not to trust people, but when something doesn’t quite jive or make sense, it’s usually a lie. I can pick up liars in a second. I can pick up a person with undesirable motives in no time. I guess without the experience I have gone through, maybe I’d be running around that same mountain.

“Truth stands the test of time, lies are soon exposed.” ~Proverbs 12:19