Saturday, September 19, 2009

Embracing the Entirety

Thanks to everyone who reads me who’ve asked if I was okay due to my sad post the other day. Yes, I’m fine. It’s just a spell I go under once an anxiety attack strikes. It’s almost like a hangover after a wild night of partying, except, it hurts in a different way. The fact is, more people than admitted go through it and just chuck it up to fatigue or that they are just feeling under the weather. Instead of fighting it, I embrace it, acknowledge it, go through the process and usually that will enable me to fall out of it quicker. Even if I do charge full speed ahead and go against the grain, I still live inside my head. I’m silent and somewhat withdrawn, and yet of course, physically there.

The other night while having a little fromage and wine with a good friend, she asked me, “Do you feel okay? It looks like you’ve been crying a lot.” To my surprise, I thought I had covered it up with my foundation and eye make up. She saw right through my homemade mask and looked at my eyes, not just the entirety of them. Some people would be embarrassed by being ‘found out’ - but for me, it was refreshing in a roundabout way to know someone else can actually see and feel what I’m experiencing. Having gone through similar situations herself, I’m so grateful I found such an amazing person to share my thoughts and feelings with. We’re each other’s sounding boards. There are some people in my life that just don’t ‘get it’, and that’s okay. People are different and many people that are close to me rather not see me in that state. Other people, like my friend who are close to me, embrace it for what it is and know that it’s still “me”...it’s still me hiding underneath it all. Even though I know therapists are great to have - even for the most sanest of people - it’s even better when you can rely on a good friend to share your feelings with. So (thank you), to my friend. And thank you for those reading me who have shared your experiences with me and those who have also emailed me with their concerns.

I truly believe that if we don’t embrace the sad times in our lives, then we truly cannot embrace the happiness that follows after it. Just like a rainbow after the storm, there is always something to look forward to once everything has been washed out (cried out), and cleaned out of our systems. It’s only then, the sunshine will be able to seep through the fog and cast away all the clouds.

Have a wonderful last weekend of summer!

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This post is dedicated to Myriam.