Monday, September 21, 2009

Defining Ourselves

They say the past makes us who we are today, but my question is: does it always define us? Do you feel like you’re the only one suffering emotionally in life? Does it feel as though no one else would possibly understand the dilemmas you face? Would people even consider what you’re going through, a “dilemma” and chuck it up to something insignificant ---undermining your feelings and possibly crushing every ounce of self-esteem you have left? Granted, we all have secrets and skeletons hidden away in that closet no one knows about, but there are so many people walking around with smiles on their faces, when deep down inside, they’re dying. With hesitance to share their feelings with anyone close to them, like a trusted friend or relative, they stuff it behind their hearts, making sure there are no remnants of evidence left to be found. Their life is perfect and they don’t need anybody butting into their lives; they don’t need any help.

Who wants to open up to other people, possibly leaving themselves vulnerable to judgment and criticism? This is why most people are so tightlipped. My friends sometimes ask me why I’m so open about my life on my blog. I have revealed practically everything on this blog. (Key word being, “practically”.) Of course, some things are better left unsaid, however, each bit of information on this blog is raw, truthful and sometimes a bit too much for someone to take in if they know me well. With that, I have experienced those who read my blog, or have read my book come to me revealing their deepest, darkest feelings and tribulations in life that they would never tell anyone else. “Wow, there’s someone else who struggles with this too!” It may not be the same subject matter, but nonetheless, they are matters of the heart that pull and tug at us as if we were a bunch of marionettes.
We hide that “this life” we have is not the one we have always dreamed of. We hide that when we were younger, we were verbally or physically abused. We hide the fact that we’re ready to forgive, yet we display our pride as if it were gold.  We hide that we secretly love to dance, yet we remain as wallflowers wishing we were brave enough.  We hide that we’re attracted to the same sex. We hide that we’re struggling with low self-esteem. We hide that we’re in a loveless marriage or relationship.  We hide our depression, putting on a smile instead, trying to make others smile and laugh. We hide our tears, trying to help others cope with their sadness. We hide our belief in God, because well, that would be weak if we believed in something that was unseen - we’d be thought of as “insane”.  We hide that we miss the one person who has hurt us the most in our lives.  We hide that we secretly want kids, or that we secretly wish we hadn't had children.  We wish we said, "I love you", before they passed on. We hide our political views, in fear that we would be attacked for having different opinions and views than the majority. We hide our past, because...the past makes us who we are today, however, it has yet to define us.

What would make you happier in life?  What's "your" secret?