Thursday, May 07, 2009

Trust No One

No. I don’t care who you are or how important you may be, I will not open my door for you unless you provide some sort of identification that you’re an officer or a fire chief. I am not opening doors for workers, mechanics, maintenance people or unexpected deliveries. If you’re sending flowers to me, tell them to leave it at the door because I’m not opening it. And to those idiot Jehovah Witnesses that bring their child in below zero temps with no jacket on (just to make you feel bad so you’ll invite them in), ---put the guilt upon yourself because that child will freeze. If you’re my neighbor that lives below me: you can kiss my ass because I have no respect for you since you blast Michael Jackson 5am every other morning and stomp around on your hard wooden floors like a horse. Remember: I own you. I live on top of you. You’re my drum and I will play you till I wear you down woman! If it’s someone I already know, that face better be visible in the peephole or...I ain’t opening it. I don’t care if you’re 10 yrs old and selling girl scout cookies - take it somewhere else kid. I’m not mean. I’m just careful. Too many ploys to get us to open the door.

Electric company you say? Everything is just fine on the inside - check it from the outside, thank you. Gas company? Is there a problem? Call me, you should have my number in that little computer of yours. Pizza? I’m on a Goddam diet moron! Take it to the next door. Oh one of our troops asking for support and donations? THANK YOU for your support and bravery. I’m sorry, not opening it up for you though.

It’s not being mean. It’s being safe. A few people got broken into by vulnerable people opening up their doors to servicemen. They would push right through the door once you open it, possibly raping and killing you, after they have stolen everything in your apartment or house. Most people who do this dress up as your local service people around the area, so without a doubt, you open the door right away. Wrong. Get verification from the company they work for that there is a technician trying to get inside your home.

I had to turn down a package that came from an unknown delivery service. I usually receive UPS, DSL and FEDX packages. Today was different. I told him from the other side of the door that my husband and I could not answer the door and that we never ordered anything from that service. He persisted, but I told him to pretend that I’m not home. He got the hint and I saw his van roam around my complex over ten times making stops to each building. I made a call just to notify the police of this new service man and they’re looking into it. How can a whole bunch of packages be sent to everyone in this complex on the same day?

Trust no one.