Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Taking a Step Back to Reflect

Sometimes I have to take a step back, retreat and hide from the rest of the world, before I start loathing it; before I start realizing how self-absorbed and obnoxious some people can be. I’m accountable too. The one difference I see from myself and others is: I retaliate and speak before thinking sometimes. I don’t hurt others out of jealousy, resentment or to just be plain mean to them. My words of anger stem from hurtful attacks by other people. Sometimes, these “hurtful attacks” can be misconstrued of course by my own little pointed noggin. I take things the wrong way. I also take things the way they are.

It is what it is.

The past few years have been really interesting. I’ve encountered people hating me out of pure jealousy. My question would be: why? Another mystery would be why others, especially people that are close to me, seem to be “nice” while in my presence and then completely turn around and badmouth me to a bloody pulp as if they’ll never think their words would get back to me somehow. I guess they trust everyone they talk to.

I have many people in my life who don’t necessarily “like me” because of my lifestyle, or they just feel that maybe I’ve placed my wife into eternal damnation. I’ll stop there. Avoidance is the biggest indicator of not agreeing with my lifestyle. Of course, the biggest day of my life - the happiest day of my life, was a huge indicator. Nobody has to agree with my lifestyle, but if these people say they love me and accept me, then it would have been nice to have seen them at my very own wedding. Not a card or sentiment, nor an attempt for a house warming or shower. Just “best of luck”.   Nobody had to pay a penny out of their pocket - just their presence would have made me feel blessed. The ironic part of their lack of acceptance is their very own offsprings who are a little light on their fragile toes who have seem to lost all sense of identity whatsoever. Life’s funny sometimes.

Then you have the ones who think if you’re not a soccer mom or go to PTA meetings, then you’re not ‘part of the group’ - part of their little club. Thank the good Lord I’m not. These housewives I speak of can’t even hold a conversation without glancing sideways at their kid yelling, “Get back here now” and then trying to focus back on you with a statement such as, “Ok, so you were saying?” I don’t envy these people one bit. I feel bad for them, but the judgmental grimaces I see on their faces while thinking my lifestyle is reckless and not suitable enough to be around their children make me think how they’ll handle one of their own kids possibly telling them one day, “Umm, mom, I’m gay.” What then?

I think education is so important. Teaching kids the difference between a loving couple - a married couple, as opposed to referring to homosexual people as “perverts” or “promiscuous” is important. We are just like anyone else: married, with the possibility of having kids. And yes, we are able to have children to those who believe differently. We are not promiscuous swingers: we’re a family unit - even if we’re just two in a household. Madelene is my family, my wife, my best friend --- something that surely is lacking in many heterosexual households. I wouldn’t trade my life in for any soccer mommish role. I’m happy with my lot in life, my wife, my work, my friends and my strong bond with my parents.  

I have to admit that there are people currently in my life right now, that if I never saw them ever again, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Some people just drift off in different directions, and that’s okay. We just need to accept it all and realize that people are in our lives for a reason, a season or for a lifetime. I’m just grateful for the wonderful memories I have had with them.  Sometimes, you just have to take a step back and reflect.