Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Love & Hate

We can all sit and mull over the incidents that occurred in our lives and point fingers until the cows come home, but many us aren’t being accountable for our own faults and wrongdoings. It’s easier to be the victim and run over to mommy and tattletale about Johnny poking you too much. There’s never an explanation of why Johnny was poking you though. We’ll just leave it at that and hear one side of the story - I mean come on, you’re the victim here, right?

Maybe you’re not where you are in life because somebody screwed you over. Maybe you’re not out dating anymore because someone has poisoned all potential future mates for you. Get over it. If we really think about long and hard: whose fault is it anyway? Did you let someone screw you out of a heap of money? Did someone cheat on you and leave a bad taste in your mouth? It couldn’t be because you went into the relationship while the person was getting out of another or possibly still in one, could it? There are so many patterns that we miss out on while in the midst of excitement in our lives.  People become completely naive to everything when they’re in love or in the middle of an exciting time in their life. Whatever it is: look at your surroundings. Any red flags?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been duped so many times that I can’t possibly write them all down, however I am not a victim. I’m not innocent by any means. I admit to all my wrongs and find it amusing that those who were in my life that tried destroying it with their own selfish motives, are never accountable for anything. “Why I’ve done nothing wrong.” They actually convince themselves that they’re the victim; they’ve been duped and there is no accountability for what they have done in the past. All of their friends and family get one side of the story, while a whole other movie is being projected on the other side of town. It’s interesting to hear both sides of the story without full knowledge. It’s like completely different dramas stirred into one pot. But, who’s lying? Who’s telling the truth? One can never tell.

Sometimes I’ll watch Divorce Court and mindlessly entertain myself with the wild and fascinating tall tales that these people conjure up just for their own selfish needs. Messy divorces go hand-in-hand with the art of lying. I’ve even seen it go so far to lie about one mate just to get custody of the children. “She cheated on me”, or “She’s abusive and/or neglectful to the kids”. How do they sleep at night knowing they’ve lied like this, when in the past, they’ve once loved that person with all their heart and soul? It’s a shame to believe that love can turn into hate.

Can it though?

It’s amazing how well some people can hold themselves together. To me it’s a talent, for others, it’s unnoticed and usually regarded as coldhearted or uncaring. Have you ever noticed someone going through turbulence in their relationship or marriage, yet they never talk about it? A lot of people figure: “Well it’s none of their business.” And they’re right. But, there are some people that are pent up with such emotional pain and turmoil that it eventually bubbles up to the surface. They can’t help but boil over and tell all - and that’s ok. Each person deals with their emotions differently. Is one way of handling emotions healthier than another? That I don’t know. I do know that being honest when talking to entrusted people is important, be it your therapist, friends or family. Leave things out if you need to - but never tell the opposite of your emotions. Even when I was at my angriest, I never said, “I hate him or her”, when I knew in my heart that I still did cared for this person. Do you think when people say, “Oh I hate him or her” is a reaction to being hurt deeply or do you think that love can eventually turn into hatred? They do say that there is a fine line between love and hate. I never believed that statement. For me, if I love someone, I always love them. It never ends, even if they are no longer with me and if I no longer wish for them to be back in my life. 



That’s just me.
Hate in your heart kills. Love conquers all.