Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Learning From My Readers

It takes a lot for someone to admit that they’re wrong. Most of the time, it’s either pride or embarrassment that gets in the way. For me, I’ve never been too proud to say, “Hey, you know something, I was wrong and I’m sorry.” Granted, I’m not going to apologize if I didn’t do anything wrong just for the sake of mending a friendship or “making peace”.   There are too many casual statements that get flung around; meaningless words with hidden motives. Don’t get me wrong, I still do the most stupidest things in the world sometimes, and yeah I know that in the future comes along many “I’m sorrys”.   I accept that because I know I’m human.

In my previous post, I enjoyed reading the comment because it really gave me an inside scoop on a lot about what’s going on in many people’s minds. Everyone’s different and everyone has the right to either choose forgiveness, or just forgive a little and hold onto the rest, and of course, to not forgive at all. That’s ok. I wasn’t judging any of you who said you couldn’t forgive. I wonder if that takes a toll on you emotionally though.

I guess I’m a bit morbid. What I mean is, I think about death a lot. I think about what happens to people who survive their offender’s death. Think about it: if the person who offended you died today, what would be running through your mind? “Oh that sunnovabitch died! Good riddance!” Or, would your thoughts be, “Maybe I should have forgiven them?” Either way, there’s no use mulling it over and over in your mind. Would you attend their funeral? Would you pay your “respects”? Would you have any “respects” to pay?   Too morbid for you?   You do think about it though...don’t you?

I’ve made a promise to myself that anyone I have ever hurt is going to get an apology. And they have. I will never leave anything “open” for words or actions to be misconstrued any longer. I don’t want that lingering over my head. Whether they forgive me or not, it is out of my hands and into God’s. I had, and possibly still have a desire for those who I have hurt to say, “It’s ok Deb.” But I know I can’t expect that. I guess it’s part of my egotistical ways to expect an “it’s ok Deb”, so I am letting everything slide off my shoulders and onto God’s. I’m learning to let go without expectations. What’s said is said and what’s done can’t be undone. Just by reading the comment section of my last post has made me come to the realization that I just have to accept “it is what it is” and then let it go.

To all my readers: thank you for teaching me so many things!  It's mainly why I blog in the first place.