Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Unknown

The unknown: it’s scary to some and yet exciting to others. Anything and everything can be the “unknown”. Whatever one is not used to or accustomed to in their daily lives, is the unknown. People either fear it or embrace it. There’s really no other way to go about it. There’s no gray area, although there are stages where a person has to adapt sometimes, and therein lies your exception: the learning process.

I’m somewhat disappointed in the lesbian community. I say “lesbian community”, because the story I’m about to tell only has to do with lesbian women that I’ve come across regarding this particular topic. I’ve been doing a little research of my own on how accepting lesbians truly are to other people who are different than them. My end conclusions left me in disbelief.

In the past, I’ve written before how I absolutely detest “lesbian support groups” or anything of that nature, due to the fact that they leave other groups out. Naturally, right? If it were a perfect world, we’d all be “getting along”. I know certain groups and races need that kind of support. I also know that the minority groups need a safe haven to go to for conversation, to relate with other people of the same lifestyle as well as talking about their experiences. I totally get that. What I don’t understand is why the majority of those lesbian groups (not all of them, mind you), feel the need to think it’s okay to discriminate against other people who seemingly are the outcast of society too.

You won’t gain respect if you don’t give it.
And I’m not saying that we all must adapt to whatever.
Should we love those who only love us?
Should we accept those who only accept us?

(The photo on the left is me at the age of 10 years old. I was already motocycle racing and ready to take on the world as a boy.)
Recently, I’ve encountered a few lesbian women who “ewwed” at the concept of transgender people, whether male or female transitions. I feel I can relate to those who are transgender, because as I’ve written in a previous post, as a child I felt as though I was a boy trapped inside a girl’s body. I didn’t feel like a girl, nor did I act or dress like one. I was different and everyone knew it. This had nothing to do with my sexual orientation either. I’ll get to that in a moment. The only thing that made me believe I should act and dress like a girl was the one girl I fell completely head over heels with. She decided to gussy me up with make up and girl clothes, as well as “feather back” my hair. Yes, sadly enough this was the style in the 1980’s. She stood back and said, “Oh my God, you are just beautiful!” I’ll never forget those words coming out of her mouth. From that point on, I’ve remained feminine.

I still wonder if it weren’t for her, would I still be dressing and acting like a guy? Would I want to go through the whole ordeal of transitioning? I still have it in me, yet it’s not exposed in many ways. People assume upon first meeting that I’m a feminine heterosexual woman. The types of women that I’m attracted to are straight looking feminine girls who are usually drawn to the same type, so I’ve found. Would it be easier if I did transition to become a man? I would then be considered a straight heterosexual man. Confused? For example: a man who transitions into woman and still prefers to date women will now be considered a “lesbian woman”. She is no longer a he. If you want to get really accurate: she was always a she. The identity of the person does not define their orientation. For some people, it’s hard to fully understand. That’s where the gray area comes in. I’d like to reference that as “the learning process” or “adapting” to the unknown.
I have a very close friend, Patty who is a lesbian woman (transgender) who will be writing a post for me and her experience with her transition. She is post-op and has gone through excruciating extremes to finally be herself. Ever since I’ve been friends with her, she has shown me nothing but respect, love, understanding and most of all, true friendship. We have much in common, more than others may think. I treasure this woman and can’t wait for her post!
Are you scared of the "unknown"? Or are you the type that embraces new things and tries to understand fully, before making a judgment?