Monday, June 30, 2008

Does It Matter?

(Photo taken this morning at 5am out on my deck.)

Again, I was hesitant to write about this topic, in fear that the men in the white coats may take me away, but I’m here and I’m going to jot this down like a lunatic. Bear with me. Whenever I’m closer to God, pray to Him more and really take the time to meditate and most of all---listen to Him; it’s then when I receive signs and visions. (I assure you I wasn’t drinking at this time.)

My prayer and meditation times have been more intense and far enlightening than ever. I’ve been more “open” to encounter or experience visions, signs or anything coming from God Himself. Through desperation one day, I called out, “God, show yourself to me”---in hopes that I’d be comforted through my time of stress and fatigue. I started to see sparkles and bright shiny little things flying around. To the right of my peripheral vision, I saw a bright white glow. I didn’t look directly at it, in fear it would vanish. These things are like stars in the sky---once you look directly at them, they disappear. So I just looked at it through the corner of my eye. It was amazing. I found my entire body had a golden aura, surrounding me with this feeling of peace that I've never experienced before. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, but I wasn’t sad. When I lifted my hands up into the energy that was above me, I felt it go right through my hands and up into my body. It. was. amazing!

This morning I woke up at 5am, made my coffee and toast and sat outside to watch the fog lift up from the mountains. The morning was different-- more tranquil than usual. I feel “excited” about something, but I don’t know what that something is yet. I feel overwhelmingly happy, yet I haven’t hit the lotto or got noticed by some hotshot filmmaker who wants to grab my book and turn it into a movie.

You can throw science and factual things at me telling me that what I had experienced was a lack of oxygen to my brain or an undiagnosed case of bi-polar disorder disrupting my life momentarily. Whatever it is: I welcome it. This euphoric feeling, because of my prayer and meditation to God gives me greater faith that Jesus is here with me; He’s hearing every prayer, every cry for help and knows I need a little more than the average sign from heaven.

A fellow blogger named Seven made this statement regarding my previous post: “…You mom saw the rose because she had faith in Helen. Was the rose real? Certainly it was real enough to her. Could someone else see it? Perhaps not. Does it matter; the message was from Helen to your mom.”

"Does it matter?" Those words resonated with me. Does it matter who believes me or who thinks I’m a religious quack for having faith that it was Jesus Himself? I just feel fortunate enough that I can share my experience with everyone. The funny thing is: God shows Himself to the most unexpected people sometimes. Believe me, I’m far from spiritually perfect or claim to be. I’m a sinner. I’m someone who continuously makes mistakes. I’m not perfect.

Does it matter? Probably not. What matters is: my faith in God is so strong, that my fear of death, disease and anything that may plague me with illness or less than desirable circumstances has lessened a great deal. I had this back when I was 23 years old, and I am so happy to say, I have it again. I hope it stays. Sometimes, our faith in God and our spiritual experiences only last for so long. If you let it go…it’ll disappear. My mother had this same feeling---which we believe is the Holy Spirit. She said, “I wish it would come back to me again.” I told her, “Maybe you should try going back to it.”

My mother and I have been talking a lot about this stuff. I asked her if she would be a guest blogger and she agreed. She is writing ‘the old fashioned way’, but will be typing it out on my laptop later this afternoon about her experience with God and her signs from heaven. I hope you’ll come back and read her post.

Back to Seven’s question: does it matter? No. The only thing that matters is if you truly believe that God resides inside your heart---in my opinion, that’s the only thing that matters.

Here’s a short video I made 5am this morning.