Thursday, March 06, 2008

Losing Weight in My Wallet

What is it with people? I’m starting to wonder how people are behind closed doors more and more every day. I’ve been avidly working out at the gym almost daily these days, and I’ve been noticing more and more how people don’t give a rat’s ass about cleanliness or respecting other people in the gym and wiping down their machines after they use them or even flushing the toilet in the bathroom for the love of God! How hard are these tasks? It’s even a written rule that the gym has: PLEASE CLEAN EQUIPMENT AFTER USE. –Management

Clorox wipes are available at every set of machines. What’s the problem folks?

Don’t talk to me. Not in general, but if you see me on a machine working out, sweating my butt off and my iPod on full blast in my ears, don’t ask me questions or talk about the weather. I’m not a mean and unsociable person, however, it’s evident I don’t want to gasp for air to talk about how spring is almost here. One lady nearly had a full conversation by herself. She thought I heard every word she said, when after ten minutes of her blabber, I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, are you talking to me?” She sneered at me. I didn’t want to snub her by any means, since she was sleeved up and down with tattoos and had quite the number of piercings going on, but I also don’t like to be cornered talking to somebody who’s there only to socialize.

Burn the clipboard! I hired a personal trainer – in fact, the one I mentioned in a previous post. She insists on giving me a clipboard full of things I do, this way, I can get the same workout each time and increase my levels, weights and miles per whatever. It’s a known fact that you look like a complete freakazoid when you’re holding a clipboard while working out. I even laugh at people holding clipboards. Give me a piece of paper or something nondescript. I felt myself getting hot under the collar full of embarrassment when she slipped me the clipboard while spewing out a whole buncha’ things while walking me through the gym like a lost puppy. I’ve been at this gym for 7 years now – give me a break – I know how to work the machines and get around… I just need help with a routine!

Since I’m on a weight loss type of program, which includes disgusting nasty fruity fat burning protein shakes, I have to get weighed in and my fat percentage taken. It’s not a fun event when she pinches the back of your arm until you bleed with a fricken vice grip. She even measures my calves. Who gains weight on their calves??? The question should be: who loses weight on their calves? For the cardio routine, I have to wear some sort of under the boobs belt. Don’t ask. This thing is supposed to take your heart rate, so it is placed right under my boobs, so it can get an accurate rate of my heart. The monitor is on my wrist. I don’t know about other personal trainers, but I’ve experienced this with two of my personal trainers – so here’s a question to all of you buff workout freaks out there: is my heart rate supposed to get up to 190 beats per minute? Does that sound “healthy”? Or does that scream HEART ATTACK!???

You can tell I’m loving this new phase of mine, huh? I start as early as 5am on my own routine of running, and then later during the day I have an appointment with the personal trainer for an hour. I even have homework to do when I get home! I haven’t had time to blog or visit anybody because this new training program is more like a fulltime semester of school!

The good news: I can’t fit into the pants I bought a couple of months ago because they’re too big.

The bad news: I can’t afford new ones because the trainer drained my wallet.