A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. ~Proverbs 15:17
You don’t necessarily have to “like” the person you’re in an intimate relationship with. In fact, you might just love and hate them at the same time. I’m sure you’ve heard of the term “love/hate relationships”, and how some relationships are just overflowing with constant bickering and arguing. Your partner says white; you say black. The fact remains: you two just don’t get along and will do anything to be on the opposite sides of the fence. You just don’t see eye-to-eye. Whether it’s been like this all along, or has recently developed, you find your state of mind being more depressed and miserable while being with them, rather than being grateful and happy while being in their presence. When do we end the torture?
Usually these are on and off relationships; they break up to make up. It’s like some sick obsession with drama and sex. The combination of both extremes saps all the positive energy of whatever you had left in you. So then, what next? You two decide to break it off and cut ties. Your mind starts tracking back to all the good times you had with this particular person. You start forgetting about the negative aspects: the constant bickering, nitpicking and criticisms you endured and you begin to start the process of ‘distance distortion’---where all your thoughts are pointed to the little positives that you’ve known about the relationship – leaving out any negative ones. You cry and think about calling him/her.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. On the very day I call to you for help, my enemies will retreat. (Enemies can symbolize the temptation and false illusions of the relationship itself.) This I know: God is on my side.” ~Psalm 56:8-9
Prayer. It’s the most powerful thing you can do when you don’t know what to do. It can be your saving grace from making that stupid mistake of calling him/her, when you know it’s only going to cause more confusion and sadness than happiness. One of you will bring up something unpleasant about the relationship while trying to have a cordial conversation and that’ll be it. Back to square one: angry and resentful. See, there are several emotions while still raw in a breakup: shock, anger, resentment, sadness and acceptance. Once you’ve reached the “acceptance level” of the breakup, you may begin to develop this thought process that it’s okay to call him/her now. What if they’re not done with their healing process? You risk the chance of an argument. Time time time. Whether or not you plan on trying to get your ex back, or if you plan on healing – time is the answer. I hated hearing that, but it’s true.
If it was in fact a volatile relationship, why do you want your ex back in the first place? I can tell you one good reason: fear. People fear that they’ll never meet the love of their life “again”. They think this was their soul mate and there’s not another person out there that’ll fit that description. Memories go back to the “beginning” of the relationship. Think about it. …Another fear is that someone else will take their place. Gladly hand over that position. People are also scared of “new people”. They want what’s familiar to them. This is another reason why people have sex with the ex. It’s familiar territory. They don’t have to go out and risk the chance of sleeping with another person only to get hurt again, or worse yet, possibly end up with more than they bargained for... This seems like the “safe route”. I really believe that’s why “yo-yo” relationships were invented. Plain and simple: fear. We want to go back to home base even if we don’t plan on staying there for very long.
“It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman” (Proverbs 21:19)
Safe is not necessarily healthy. Taking risks and being able to love someone without jealousy, rage, anger and awful bickering is the way to live a peaceful and long life. If you settle for someone who is constantly going to drive you nuts and drain your energy – get out while you’re still alive. I truly believe you can die from this whether you have a heart attack or stroke from the stress of it all. So it’s much more than just getting rid of a bad relationship - it’s more about keeping a healthy life, a healthy attitude and a healthy mindset.
For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook.