Thursday, January 24, 2008

Getting High

…on adrenaline can be a wonderful euphoric feeling. Your heart starts pumping, your stomach gets all topsy-turvy and you anticipate the best of what’s to come. But then, once it comes and goes, we’re back to square one. Our high came crashing down to “mediocre”, or worse yet, depression. Thrill seekers have this problem constantly. I consider myself to be a “thrill seeker” – and adrenaline junkie if you will. Take for instance, a relationship - especially those way too complicated ones. (This usually includes online love affairs, cheating spouses and/or trying to pursue someone who’s challenging to get ---or even “the forbidden fruit”.) It’s exciting to get something or someone that you’re not supposed to have – but is it “healthy” overall? Be careful what you wish for…

In my case, it was ‘when do I get to the next level’ – whether it was my writing career or my living quarters. I wanted more. Once I had what I wished for, I wanted beyond what I just received. The “dream” of getting what I wanted has now turned into reality. There’s nothing to dream of anymore…so I dream of something else. The novelty has worn off.

Next!...

From high to low, I frequently went into manic stages from extreme happiness to extreme depression. There was never a happy medium to save me. And believe me, I did this with people, places and things. I used to view “contentment” as this ugly, awful and hideous word. Who wants to be “content”? It sounds so…mediocre. I didn’t want that. I wanted to go beyond contentment and into the world of excitement. That was the problem. Life is full of extremes, but if you can enjoy the journey and where you are at this time, then you have it all. A lot of people, including myself never realized this. Right now I am going through a self-evaluation period and realizing the mistakes I have made over the past two years. (Which were the worst years of my life!) I have been so focused on “extreme highs” that I nearly crashed to my lowest point ever.

Drawing closer to God, I realized I’ve been an adrenaline junkie. If you’re an adrenaline junkie, you truly don’t love the person, place or thing that gives this emotion to you – you love the feeling it provides you with. True love knows contentment – even when it’s not an exciting time. Thrill seekers never end their quest for their next fix. They constantly have their eyes out for their next “exciting” person place or thing. Thrill seeking relationships are very powerful. They'll fight just to have make up sex. They constantly seek if the other mate is cheating, lying or craving a “new fix” – just because they’re doing just that.

Sometimes our addictions go past the point of drugs and alcohol – they consume our lives, which results in somebody getting hurt. Depending on what type of adrenaline seeker one is, it can be similar on different levels. What about those who are compulsive shoppers? They buy something they think they love at the store, and then bring it home only to hate it. They buy a new car only to trade it in way too early for the new model that just came out.

When do we finally come to realize that being “happy” starts at home and resides within our hearts first, no matter what we crave or desire? Are you an adrenaline junkie or are you somebody who is content with life “as is”?