Friday, January 11, 2008

Deb's 'Hard Return'...

Everybody needs a break now and then. I definitely needed one. Sometimes, life gets us confused – lost in its whirlwind of life’s unexpected trials and circumstances. The curveballs thrown at us often leaves a sour taste in our mouths – leaving us bitter and resentful about life. While preaching about forgiveness, I’ve become exactly what I’ve always feared: bitter, resentful, and unforgiving. Often times, people can verbalize forgiveness, but who can actually say that the action was ever applied? If we don’t forget about the offense, is it still regarded as forgiveness? Was it actually an “offense” or was it us being too sensitive?

I had to step away from writing for a while and reevaluate the way I handled things and why I’ve become so overly sensitive lately. I started taking things very personally – even when it had nothing to do with me in the bigger scope of things. I was being too hard on people, driving them to the brink of insanity. I was never this person before. I was strong and able to take a good critiquing. I was capable of handling ‘foot in the mouth’ type of responses. I was okay with people – I let people be themselves. People used to be comfortable around me. Now, people are afraid of me. I’ve seen the closest people to my heart walking on eggshells, trying not to crack any of those sensitive areas.

Although my faith is still strong, my entire being – my character and inner-self has become weak and fragile.

“God’s weakness is far stronger than the greatest of human strength.” ~1 Corinthians 1:25

Typically, this all boils down to insecurity issues and not knowing where to stand in life. When cornered, I’d lash out. I’ve given irrational responses to such understandable reasoning. It felt as though it wasn’t even me responding. My mind was a huge ball of static – no one could get a clean channel from me – not even God. I became distant spiritually and it had such an incredible ripple affect, which left me cold and stranded. I felt alone. It affected my relationships with those around me and it definitely affected the way I saw things.

When all you can see is “red” – is it that the result of forcing the rose-colored glasses on as I’ve stated in a previous post? Is it trying too hard to become a person that you’re not? Is it better to be a realist, rather than be too optimistic about life? Some people would call them “dreamers” or “delusional”, however, whatever the label they place on upon a person – is it making them any happier, even though those dreams never meet the initial criteria? I’m trying so hard not to be such a pessimist, but I’m seeing things for what they are right now, but most of all, “accepting” things the way they are.

A bit from The Word For You Today that helped me. If you don’t have this devotional – please order it here!

{Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated…disturbed…and unsettled}.

JOHN 14:27

Learn to relax.
A well known Bible teacher says: “We can only walk in peace if we’re willing to be adaptable and adjust to people and circumstances. When I lived in ‘explode mode’ it never failed that one of my children spilled something at the dinner table every night…and every night I had a fit. One night, I was under the table because the milk had made it to the crack in the middle and was running down…The kids were upset and somebody kicked me in the head, which made me even madder. I knew it was an accident…but somehow that didn’t seem to matter… {Then} the Holy Spirit spoke to me – right under that table – and said: ‘Once the milk’s spilled, no matter how big a fit you throw you’re not going to get it to run back up the table into the glass. You need to learn to go with the flow.’”

Jesus said, “{Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated…disturbed…and unsettled}.” In other words, work on controlling your reactions. Stop losing your peace over every little thing that goes wrong in your life. When there’s nothing you can do about the situation, learn to let it go and keep your joy. Ask God to help you get over life’s little offenses and irritations quickly, whether it’s a glass of spilled milk or somebody who’s hurt your feelings. When you put as much energy into ‘letting go’ as you do into ‘stewing and steaming’ and trying to control every possible outcome, you’ll find that God’s peace “which is so great we cannot understand it” (Php 4:7 NCV) will start to fill your heart and your home.

So with my much needed break from blogging, I’m trying to learn and practice these teachings so that I can become a better person all around and not be in ‘explode mode’ all the time when something or someone offends me.

Please pray for my journey getting there!