Monday, November 19, 2007

The Seeds of Doubt

There’s always something tugging me back; holding me from whatever it is I want to do. It’s a debilitating feeling that has me kept inside my own prison: anxiety. Where does it come from and why does it persist? I’ve dealt with anxiety for a very long time – half my life actually. Sometimes it’s not bad, and other times, it’s so debilitating that it prevents me from doing everyday tasks. I can control it, but there are times when I just give up and let it take over. That part, of course, is my own fault.

I read something today that encouraged me.

“God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

Underneath the passage there was more…

“Debilitating fear is not from the Lord. We can call upon God’s Spirit to give us the power to face our foes, the love to overcome evil with good, and the discipline to persevere through our trials. We have been given the power to turn from fear to faith.”

And that right there tells me that I need more faith; more focus on God. When I turn to God and give Him all my problems as I go about my day, I have no fear---I have strength and courage. When I try to resolve life’s little problems all by myself—without the help of God, I seem to fail. With all these new changes in my life, I have so many emotions going through me. I’m excited to start my life in a new home and start my career and have a life I’ve always dreamed of. The other side of me says, “This is going to increase your anxiety levels and what if this doesn’t work out and what if that doesn’t work out?”

It’s the “what ifs” that really plant the seeds of doubt. Then, I realized, the one who plants the seeds of doubt is the devil. God never plants the seed of doubt in anyone. God encourages and uplifts you. He wants you to be strong and courageous and to fight your fears. Sometimes, God even puts a person in our life that’ll plant seeds of discouragement. “What if you get anxiety while out on your own?” That in itself will give me the jitters. People say things out of concern, this I know, but sometimes their concerns turns into other people’s anxieties. I don’t place blame on anyone who has questioned me regarding my anxiety disorder and moving in a location that’s unfamiliar to me, but I wonder if they know that it’s planting the seeds of discouragement…

I don’t want to live with the spirit of fear and doubt. I want to be strong, courageous and face all of my fears and phobias, without the ‘what ifs’. I want the people around me to encourage me, instead of encouraging the enemy---fear. I ask that all the people in my life, my friends, my family and loved ones would help strengthen me, instead of trying to discourage me from something that I’ve always dreamed to do. This would help greatly. For whatever reason why the people in my life who are discouraging me from making this huge decision---please know that you’ll always be in my life. I’m not going anywhere but to another location and to a better state of mind. It’s just healthier. I promise.

Any prayers would be appreciated, to take away my anxiety and panic attacks.

12 comments:

Matt-Man said...

I have been going through a period of doubt and axiety myself of late. I guess the upcoming holidays are exacerbating things that have been weighing on my mind.

I'll make you a deal Deb. You pray for me and I'll pray for you. Well, I would pray for you anyway. Hang in there pal. Cheers!!

~Deb said...

You got it Matt! Thank you!

TK Kerouac said...

There is nothing to fear, but fear, itself.
I get like this to when going into unchartered territories. I think some of us are just more "hard wired" for anxiety, especially if we have had unstable family lives.

You are a beautiful, gifted, strong woman Deb and will be able to handle anything that comes your way. And the most important person to please, is yourself, with these new decisions you are making.
Anxious people seem to convince themselves they won't be able to handle the new workloads, new changes, but once they adjust to the change, they adapt well.

Good luck...
As for God, I'm still learning how to incorporate giving my problems to the Lord, haven't mastered this one

On another note
would be interested to know what your view on cheaters is.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I will pray for you, my friend.

Flip Flop Momma said...

aww...saying prayers for u sugar.

Art said...

Definitely praying for you, Deb. I hope you get some peace soon.

Jay Cam said...

just believe that you take do anything you want! carry a pocketknife or something so you can kick butt!

thats what i used to do, and look at me now!

lance said...

I'll pray for you. I've lost focus at times of why I started writing my blog. It was the hope through my writings of my struggles I may help someone else.
Blessings,
Lance
jgargus2@comcast.net
www.lancessoulsearching.com

Take 2 said...

It has been awhile since I have been on the blog world.......

Deb, everything you said is powerful and soooo true. We can not do life on our own... our anxiety and fear etc is a reminder of how much we must trust Jesus and allow Him to carry us. We have to let go and let God and stop taking things back....

We humans love to control (especially us chicks).... God knows how to get through to each of us since He is the one that created and wired us.......

I am praying for you. Great blog.

Dana :-)

LORD MANILA STONE said...

hi deb, i want to let you know that I am just here wishing you all the best, i know how much you have to deal with your anxiety and panic attacks and in my thoughts, i want you to overcome them, your faith in God drives me to start re-establishing mine...^^

Scarlet said...

All of your answers are right in this post. God is bigger than any problem we face and He will get you through this with a newfound strength. I'm praying for you. I think you're a brave spirit.

~Deb said...

Thank you... My anxiety has subsided for the meantime, and I truly believe it was because of all your prayers! I have this need to surround myself with other believers to push me in the right direction.

Thanks again everyone!!!