Monday, September 17, 2007

Silence

There’s never a moment of silence. There’s not a peep of solace anywhere. There’s not a glimpse of hope for isolation; a place to just run off to and hide. Sometimes, when I’m feeling tugged at both ends, I finally come to the breaking point and just give up. This doesn’t mean that I have quit entirely- it just means that I need a break. There may be an illusion of responsibility to make sure that everybody around me is happy, or maybe an obligation- however, it’s a feeling and constant egging that keeps me trying to please everyone in some way…in some form. I say “yes” when I mean no, I say okay, when it’s not all right and I do things that I sometimes don’t agree with.

The phone constantly rings and my emails are filled to the brim with friends and acquaintances as well as readers wanting answers to my thoughts, opinions and advice. I’m always happy to help. I’m not the best source for advice, but I can definitely give you my two cents. Is it worth much? That’s up to you to determine. My posts are filled with my own beliefs, my opinions, as well as my own observations of the world around me. I enjoy hearing other’s opinions or opposing views regarding any topic I bring up. I haven’t written a post about being a gay Christian in quite some time now. Sometimes, I get exhausted from the persecution I get from other Christians belittling me, because they tell me I have no right calling myself a Christian if I’m gay. Churches usually try to show me the “right path”; the path that God wants me to go- which is “straight”, yet they never mention a word about the person in the front row who’s been divorced and remarried. That’s okay. He’s “repented”, yet he still chooses to be married to his second wife. It’s hypocritical, isn’t it? Or is it just my warped views?

I sometimes don’t blame a lot of gays and lesbians for opting to go the Unitarian or Episcopalian route. That’s their choice of course, and it seems to be the easiest way to worship God, without the persecution of judgmental Christians. For me, it’s much different. I believe everything Christianity stands for, I read the bible and yes, I do take it literally, however, in my own beliefs, the interpretations are vast. I believe in a personal relationship with God, which means each person has his or her own union with Him. I don’t want to hide out in another church or “religion”, just because I’m scared of what other Christians may think of me. It’s tiring. I’ve been told to renounce my religion, if I choose to stay with my partner of the same gender. The worst sin of all is turning away another Christian brother or sister, per the bible.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Do you feel persecuted by other judgmental Christians? If so, read this passage I just found while writing this post:

He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak… Those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. ~Isaiah 40:29-31

There is hope. I still have hope . And the reason why you should do what your heart and what God tells you to is right here in this next passage:

There are three things that will endure- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love. ~Corinthians 13:13

Do everything with love.