Monday, October 01, 2007

Help! He's Heartbroken!

What gives anybody the right to think they know someone- especially when it’s their significant other? We know them to some extent, however, we can’t fully know everything that goes on in their minds. Some people feel so comfortable knowing that their relationship is invincible- that nothing in the world can tear them apart. I still don't know everything about my partner- I'm still learning each day about her. Some people feel as though they're “safe” and secure, knowing their partner would never, ever leave them. That safety net is good, because it means you fully trust that person, but is it wise? Is it safe to say that we all need some sort of awareness of the reality of a possible separation? “Oh that’ll never happen to us.” I hear it all the time. I sometimes felt that. Sometimes, when you feel too safe, that’s when you lose sight of what’s truly going on around you.

There’s a difference between “needing”, “wanting”, “loving”, and being “in love”. You may disagree, or simply give it the benefit of the doubt that all of these ingredients should be included in a relationship. But what if your significant other says that he or she doesn’t “need” you anymore? We all want to feel needed, whether it be our other half needing us, a boss or job needing us, which makes us feel valuable in a sense, or family relying on us. It gives us a sense of value; a sense of worth.

What are we worth? Do you think someone else’s opinion matters what we’re worth? It surely doesn’t help if someone says, “Hey, I don’t need you anymore.” I remember hearing that from an old employer once. “We’re letting you go because our department is downsizing and we don’t ‘need’ you any longer…” Even if it is with the deepest sincerity- it still hurts. It hurts our self-esteem. I sat there thinking, ‘I did so much for you and this is what I get for all my hard work?’ Instead, I shook my boss’s hand and said, “Thank you so much for having me on for this long. I truly enjoyed working with you and your department. If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to call.” Why was I so fricken nice? Why didn’t I just say, feck off you loser! You can’t find better than me! You can’t find someone who’s going to clean up your mess anymore! Why? Because I didn’t want to burn bridges in my business relationships. Does the same apply to personal relationships? For me, it’s always been the case. I have a trail of ex-girlfriends who are close friends of mine till this day. Maybe it’s a bad habit. Maybe it’s just a lack of self-esteem, or maybe, forgiveness took a major role in my life after seeing the bigger picture. Or have I seen the bigger picture? I'd rather say that I'm still learning as I go.

A close friend of mine had his heart broken recently. He and his girlfriend were the perfect couple. They were funny together, sociable and friendly. They looked beautiful together, too. I personally would have thought those two would have married. Sometimes that perfect picture on the outside isn’t what it seems to be. But, I don’t think my friend had seen it coming, from what he has told me. “She doesn’t need me anymore, Deb.” But my question is, does she still love him? Is she still “in love” with him? Okay, she doesn’t need him anymore, but does she feel an emotional connection still? Subtracting him out of her life is going to be a huge loss. (This is the bias part speaking now.) He’s so damn colorful and full of life. There’s never a dull moment with him. I told him she’s going to feel the pangs after she realizes what she just gave up.

Now, to be honest, I don’t know the true story of what really happened, but my friend is going through major heartache right now. I’ve never seen this guy sad---ever. I have never seen this guy in a bad mood or funk. I’m worried. I don’t know how else to help other than be there for him, if he does need someone to talk to, or just a gal’s point of view on things- even if I am gay. Relationships are relationships, right?

If you have any words of encouragement or stories of your own about a heartache you went through, would you please share them so he can read how others handled their break up or divorce? Share yourself so that he can see he’s not alone. I’m giving him the book I wrote, so he can see what I went through and how I handled things. Please pray for his quick recovery in repairing his broken heart.

He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3