Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Sabotaging Relationships... Who Can We Trust?

No one knows what we’re feeling, what we’re thinking and how we’re manifesting all of our emotions inside of us. They can assume, guess or even conjure up scenarios of their own, but they’ll never know if we don’t communicate it to them. Do we have to? Do we need to communicate every single emotion that flows within us? Or can we just walk around letting these emotions weigh heavy on our hearts? It’s a personal thing…I know.

Deep seeded emotional pain has to be resolved in some way, so each person can live a life without resentment or anguish. Forgiveness is great, if one can manage to do it. The main thing is, self-respect. You can forgive a person all you want for inflicting pain upon you, but you have to keep in mind that your self-respect is important too. You don’t want to let the same person keep repeating emotional harm to your well-being. I’m not trying to imply 'building a huge wall' to protect yourself…that’s not where I’m going with this. There’s a fine line between forgiveness, and letting somebody walk all over you again out of fear and guilt. Forgetting is the hard part about forgiveness. We try, but we’re human.

Physical, sexual and emotional abuse.

Whether this happened in your childhood or even as an adult, the best thing that I find is forgiveness, with the discernment to know if you should really have this person in your life – or evaluate how much time and effort you put forth into that relationship- whatever the relationship may be. (Ex-lover, friend, father, mother, sister, uncle, cousin, etc.) Anyone can hurt anyone---so this isn’t all about relationships in the romantic sense. This is all about the human connection and the need for acceptance on both parts.

Take for instance, a relative that has sexually abused a child within the family. It’s a touchy and sensitive topic- so bear with me. This has never been done to me, I thank God with all my might, but I’ve known people that have had this painful experience. I see them trying to unite with the person who inflicted the emotional pain, the physical trauma of it all, and they try to be a better person so that they can be seen as “forgiving”, but usually, it ends up crashing and burning. It manifests itself into other things. It can leak out into other relationships, like lack of trust, anger, lashing out, or emotional outbursts that are forever torturing this poor soul. The entire traumatic experience may ruin potential relationships, making it hard to develop or “maintain” romantic unions. They don’t want to get hurt again. Understandable.

I find that most people who still talk to their “offender”, but more often, try to please them by making up for the past, are filled up with resentment and anger. They don’t want to spill it upon the person who they’ve been hurt by, but they’ll spill it on somebody else; someone they love instead. Without professional help and assistance with their deep seeded emotions, they’ll keep going around the same mountain….over….and over…..and over again. It’ll never stop. Each relationship will be similar to the next.

God’s weakness is far stronger than the greatest of human strength. ~1 Corinthians 1:25

With God’s help, God’s strength and your forgiveness, you can try to overcome the pain you’ve endured in the past to move on to a better state of mind…a better grasp on life. Instead of burying your unconditional love with emotions such as, anger, resentment, bitterness and guilt----ask God to remove those emotions, so that you can let your love conquer through it all.

My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth! He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never tires and never sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands besides you as your protective shade. The sun will not hurt you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all evil and preserves your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. ~Psalm 121:2-8

Great faith is trusting in God, to protect you and your heart. I write this because I am witnessing someone going through emotional conflict, due to his/her past traumas. I’ve witnessed many friends and many people I have come across suffer through the same thing. They want to please everyone all of the time. It’s a hard task to take on. I’m guilty of it too. It’s absolutely draining and it makes you feel miserable, leaving you with a negative outlook on people. You’ll start resenting the very people you’re trying to please.

God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterwards they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. ~James 1:12

Even in romantic relationships, we’ll place blame for our past traumas onto our new love- or even place it upon innocent people, like our friends and family. It’s not fair and it’s not healthy. Directing your past aggressions onto someone who doesn’t know where it’s coming from is detrimental to the relationship. Figure out the source. Focus on it. Resolve it, and most of all, ask God to help you handle it.

Listen! The Lord is not too weak to save you, and he is not becoming deaf. He can hear you when you call. ~Isaiah 59:1

Sometimes we doubt that God can hear us when we’re emotionally upset. We even put prayer aside so we can cry, complain or bicker with somebody else about it. I even find myself sometimes pacing around the room while I’m emotionally upset about something, wishing there was something “I” can do. But, the thing is, if I don’t let God help me, how can I rely on only myself? When I put all my burdens upon myself, I find unsuccessful results.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls.” ~Matthew 11:28-29

Do you have enough faith to let God handle it?