Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Inevitable Change

Thank you for those who commented on my previous post. It was an unfortunate mishap that turned out to be an outburst from something that had nothing to do with me. I understand him all too well though, because I’m just like him at times. While staying at a friend’s house, I received numerous calls from my mother upset, asking me to talk to my father. She said he was crying. This big man full of power---crying? He apologized, but not in the conventional way you would think. There’s no verbal, “I’m sorry”, or anything of that nature. It’s gifts or underlying jokes and gestures, implying that “it’s okay”. I accepted his “apology”. It’s his way. Instead of walking in, leaving him with a questionable look on his face, I ran over to him and gave him a big kiss and a hug. The big bully giggled.

“Sit and eat! I maydja’ some pot roast!”
“Ya fatha’ made it, Deb.”
My mother said, trying to put all the credit onto my father. They’re both a team in the kitchen. At that point, I wasn’t very hungry, because I lacked a good night’s sleep and cried for most of the time I was away from my apartment. Everything in my life has been a bit uneasy this week. I haven’t been all that well. The only thing that has progressed in a positive way, was facing my fears. I did everything I set out to do, from going to the gym by myself, heading to the supermarket and walking in a crowded street full of shops and cafés.

Still, there was something missing. I’m coming to terms with change. People change, we all get older, stronger, weaker, more stubborn, more understanding, less communicative, too chatty, more fatigued, less active, too tense, more loved, and less in love with life and/or people.

What triggers change? What’s the underlying reason why people’s feelings change? I know age has to do with a lot of physical ailments, but what’s the reasoning for our very own feelings changing, towards someone or something? When do we even notice that these changes start to occur? Does age manipulate the way we see things for what they are?

As I look outside my office window, I’ve been noticing how drastically the weather has been changing lately, from 95 degree weather, to 55 degree rainy days. Right now it’s raining heavily. There’s fog moving past the mountain caps slowly, and some starting to develop on the water. One day it’s bright and sunny, and the next is rainy and dreary. I feel like the weather should be on some sort of antidepressant. But, it just makes me realize how much we have to accept change. Nothing ever stays the same. Everything constantly moves, manifests and develops into something else; something new. If we get too comfortable where we are now, we’ll be disappointed when that time for “change” begins.

Expect change. Expect that some people will fall out of your world, as well as new ones falling into your world. Expect new opportunities arising, as well as the same ones you’ve always had and known, crumbling into pieces before your very eyes. God can take away the things you have just as fast as He has given them to you.

These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. ~Habakkuk 2:3

Ironically, that’s how it is with life. Change doesn’t always have to take place right away. It’s usually slow and steady, like the rain that’s falling outside today. Patiently I await for the next step; the next “change”.

If you’re too worried about waiting it out, this is a passage that always helps me:

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

I guess it’s safe to say that we’re all uncertain about where life will lead us and which new people will be walking in and out of our doors, but a great source of comfort is knowing that God will always be there.

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. ~Isaiah 43:2

I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. ~Isaiah 46:4

And always remember:

He orders his angels to protect you wherever you go. ~Psalm 91:11

Why should we be scared? It’s the reason why I’m facing all my fears lately. With God’s help, I can do anything.