Thursday, July 05, 2007

A Public Apology and a Public Restroom

Isaiah 51:12-13
I, even I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear? Yet you have forgotten the Lord, your Creator, the one who put the stars in the sky and established the earth. Will you remain in constant dread of human oppression? Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies from morning till night?

This scripture from Isaiah jumped out at me this morning while praying. I feel stressed out and tired. I’ve been distant from God these past couple of weeks, when in fact, I should be drawing closer to Him since I am writing a new book. My focus is on other things instead. I’ve been defending myself way too much, and it’s coming up to the surface. I’m sure you’ve noticed.

A lot of you are right. I have been spending way too much time on other people, trying to defend my happiness or {pride} of who I am. A reader of mine named Kevin, was very offended by my words on another website. I explained that the word “pride” was offensive to me. When gays and lesbians use this particular word, especially, “The Gay Pride Parade”, it doesn’t sit well with me. I prefer to “humble” myself, but that’s not exactly what I’ve been doing on my very own blog, is it? I preach “humble”, but I find myself not playing the part. I try to be, but pride seeps through my pores, leaving me with the “H” word…hypocrite. So, with that, I want to extend an apology to Kevin, who has made it clear of how I was acting. I’ve also said other things to offend him. I told him with colorful words how I disliked a portion of the gay pride marchers – in terms of marching in the nude and engaging in sex while displaying their “pride” at their LGBT parades. Although I will still say that those people who do display their sexuality like that – it’s still offensive to me. Not all are like that.

But, for children and other people who are witnessing the gays and lesbians marching, it doesn’t project a good image for us. It makes us look promiscuous, when in fact, there’s the majority trying to reach out to society, having them know that we’re people too; we want rights just as the heterosexuals do. We’re not animals and we’re not evil and wicked as some would think we are. But through the minority of the gay and lesbian marchers who display and flaunt their sexuality, it leaves society with a bad taste in their mouth.

I have opinions and beliefs. We all do. I have a blog. Most people reading me do as well. We all have the right to our opinions. My previous entry involved the Hasidic community. I asked questions based upon facts. Again, I wasn’t speaking for “all” of them- I was speaking for those who went against what they believe in. I’m curious and wanted to be enlightened about how they lived. I wanted to know more about their culture; I wasn’t bashing them or being prejudiced. I simply wanted to understand some things that were left unspoken.

Then, I started focusing on myself. Why do I need to know all this? Why do I need to blog about it? Will it offend people? Most likely. Will it stir things up? Probably. My self-dialog turned into a weird Abbot and Costello episode. I’ve been busy with a lot of things lately, and my mind has been a pile of junk waiting to purge. As I was in the grocery store the other day, I realized I had to use the restroom bad! I couldn’t wait in line anymore. I left my cart and ran over to the customer service desk. They informed me that they didn’t have that luxury for their shoppers. Great. So I left my cart with her and ran to the nearest Duncan Donuts. I walked in, appearing to look like a customer, ready to get my cash out. I saw a long line to get to the counter, so I decided to make a bee line straight to the loo. As I was practically hopping my way down the hallway where the bathrooms were, I noticed that it was unisex. Ugh. I turned the knob and opened the door.

A man screamed out, “Can’t you see that it’s locked?” His back was turned towards me. His head went sideways, yet he didn’t see who was there.

I took the time out to get my two cents in… “Well apparently not!” Then I shut the door, and ran straight in line to get my double espresso…my legs crossed and teeth floating. The man comes walking out. I can see him from my peripheral vision. I was among other java drinkers. There were other people in front of me, as well as behind me. I pretended like it wasn’t me. He left, confused over which woman on line walked in on him. It was embarrassing for both of us, and we both lashed out in anger. Then, I realized, normally I wouldn’t have taken the time to keep that door open to give him a piece of my mind while he was relieving himself, but there was something inside me that nudged.

Pride.

So, with that, I apologize to Kevin, and other people I have offended with my own sense of pride. I’ve been over-stressed and haven’t had much sleep- but that doesn’t give me much of an excuse. I hope you’ll accept my apology. It’s been weighing on my mind. My posts have been seriously “heavy”, and I know it hasn’t been much fun reading the debates and angry comments being flown back and forth.

I’ll try to keep it light.