Monday, July 30, 2007

Demanding Our Own Way

There are times when we all get physically drained from emotional turmoil. We focus in on the demons- anger, resentment, depression and anxiety. The first thing we normally do is to find flaws and inadequacies from the person or situation that offended us. It can’t be me…can it? The drama thickens into a deep obscurity- both parties questioning why the argument took place to begin with. What provoked it? Was it brewing somewhere unseen? Or was it there in broad daylight? Who’s right and who’s wrong? Does it even matter?

You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ~Colossians 3:13

Take a look at two Christians who believe in the trinity, yet they believe that the “truths” they both hold dear to their hearts are so different from one another.

“My truth is correct.”
“No, if you look at my truth, you’ll see that it’s the right choice.”

No one will come to an agreement. They both think they’re right. Both are offended because they’re not making allowances for each other’s point of views. They’re both being stubborn, resentful and unforgiving.

It’s the same with two people arguing. Both are going to think the other person is wrong. Maybe they have a different outlook on certain issues. It’s not a matter of who’s wrong and who’s right- it’s a matter of finding peace in the middle of the road. It’s about compromise. It’s about forgiving and pardoning the other person for what you think they’re incorrect for. It’s about respect, love and acceptance. You can’t change that person’s feelings on what they feel is “their truth”---you can only change the way you perceive it. You can only change the way you handle it. You can only change the way you feel.

Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful
or proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable,
and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice,
but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up,
never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. ~1 Corinthians 13:1-7

I don’t think there’s a better definition of love. If you meditate on that beautiful scripture and evaluate your relationship with your spouse, husband, wife, partner, as well as family members and friends, you’ll see if you hold true love for them. This also means that in order to do all of those above listed in that scripture, you must have complete love inside of yourself--- not pride. Pride is a self-defense mechanism to prove yourself worthy. (That’s my own definition of pride in that particular circumstance.) In relationships, pride must be thrown out in order to forgive one another. This means humbling yourself and making allowances for not only the person who offended you, but “you” as the person who offended yourself.

I’m still learning as I find my way through unconditional love and what it truly means to be forgiving, accepting and tolerant to those who feel, think and live differently than I do. I have to admit, it’s hard to end a battle saying, “I’m wrong…you’re right.” Sometimes, it’s a matter of just wondering which “truth”…is actually true. If you can’t figure out why you and your spouse fought in the first place, then it’s time to focus in on the deep seeded root that’s causing the quarrels. It may have nothing to do with what the argument was about.

If you and your spouse can’t figure out why the fight started----just hug them. Shock them and tell them how much you love them. Apologize---even if it means grinding your teeth because you think you’re right. Forgive and forget! Get rid of the anger. Show your unconditional love for that beautiful person in front of you...as well as the beautiful person in the mirror.