Thursday, July 12, 2007

100 Days of Sex

Communication, understanding, acceptance, patience, listening and love are all part of what makes up a relationship. What if communication was missing? Would there be any understanding? Would there be acceptance of what’s being said and heard? Would there be any patience at all? Would anyone be listening if there weren’t any communication? What happens to the love—does it fade over time if these ingredients are missing?

Even though I’d like to admit that love would be the foundation of any relationship, I believe it boils down to communication. If I’m frustrated about a particular thing in my life, and I don’t express it to my partner, it comes up to the surface and shows itself in a different way. She doesn’t understand where my behavior is coming from because I have not yet told her the reason why I’m in a bad mood, which results in her thinking that it’s “her” and not something else. Failure to communicate can lead to assumptions. Your other half isn’t a mind reader.

Here’s another problem I often see happen. One person tries to express themselves to their partner, and the other one takes it offensively and starts either crying or lashing out in anger. The other person will start clamming up due to the explosive response, which, again, will result in failure to communicate.

People don’t think relationships are work. “It should just flow!” Wrong! If you don’t work at it to keep the relationship alive and fresh, it’ll eventually get stale. It’s like a muscle in your body. If you don’t exercise it, what happens? It becomes “weak”. It can no longer hold the heavy things it used to, leaving it to give up and quit.

Intimacy plays a huge role in a relationship. Beyond the friendship of the relationship, I truly believe that the touch of your significant other is so important – it’s proof of your genuine love and passion for them. It’s what keeps them “alive”.

ABC advertised this book, Finding Love Again With 100 Days of Sex. It’s about a career-focused couple’s radical attempt to revive their relationship.

Doug Brown, a 41-year-old feature writer for the Denver Post, and his wife, Annie, made the agreement after realizing that their definition of an early night had come to mean closing their eyes and snoring rather than something a little more titillating.

"I'd turned 40 that year. We had a minivan, lived in suburbia and were a very career-based couple," Brown told ABC News. "It was a lot different from when we first got together and we thought it would be a great way to change our sex life and spice up our marriage."

A Sexologist's Advice

Honesty, clear lines of communication and being a good listener are key components to a successful marriage, according to Stollman. Weekends away and buying gifts are small but thoughtful ways to make sure that both partners feel nurtured and cherished.

However, there is often the defeatist attitude within couples that are aware that their sex life is not what it was, yet simply accept it and just plod along. This is where a certified clinical sexologist can come in handy. Enter Dr. Ava Cadell.

"Sex is the second basic instinct after survival, that's how important it is," Cadell told ABC News. "It can become boring and predictable -- same place, same time -- and finding the reason why it deteriorated will determine the right solution."


Each couple faces different problems. Some have young children, some have busy schedules that conflict with one another, and others have resentment issues which are regressed way deep inside, ultimately affecting their intimate life. Whenever you feel resentment towards your partner, it’s going to show in other ways. Communication is the most important thing as well as listening, accepting and taking in the information that’s being relayed to you. Listening is just as important as communicating.

So, would 100 days of sex between you and your significant other work for you? Best to find out the right way!