Thursday, January 11, 2007

{S}hit and Run

Total waste of a roaring tiger (Bengal cat) and a big vicious dog (Golden Retriever). There’s a huge dilemma going on at my sister’s house. This crap is baffling and mysterious. The average person could have easily overlooked this. But it all came to a head when something obvious was found.

My sister walks into her house after a long day of work. She sets her keys on the counter and decides to grab some food to cook dinner. She notices that a few of her canned goods were gone. She thought, “Hmm, maybe I used them and forgot about it…” Whatever. She continued to prepare dinner and notices that there’s coffee left in the pot. She doesn’t make coffee in the morning and neither does her boyfriend. So who made the coffee? It then trickles back to the thought of, “Who took my canned goods?”

Okay, aside from that, sis has to use the “ladies’ room”. She calls it that because she forbids her boyfriend to use the one in the bedroom. It’s hers. She has claimed it. No man can enter her office. This is off limits to those who have a penis. Out! The one in the hallway is the “men’s room”. This is where her boyfriend finds solace and peace from the everyday stressors of life. This is his throne. But occasionally, sis will access it for better lighting to put on her make up. Not fair you say? Dare to tell her that.

Anyway, she makes her way into her bathroom, and discovers the most horrific thing someone can imagine. It was almost as bad as walking into a shopping mall restroom and finding a package of goodies wrapped up in toilet paper. Yep, someone crapped big time and ran. A case of a “shit and run”? If that wasn’t enough, she was repulsed over the fact that there was only one square of toilet paper used. So now we’re on the lookout for a man with skid marks hyped up on Columbian coffee and possibly carrying a few cans of baked beans.

I think it’s time for sis to invest in a Rottweiler.
We have a feeling the Golden Retriever may be the culprit.

40 comments:

Natalia said...

OMG that is really scary that someone might have been there. Did they report this? I would be so freaked out. In fact once, when I was living at my parents' place, they were away on business and when I returned home the door that connects the garage to the patio was open. When I couldn't remember if I had left it open or not, I freaked out thinking someone had been there and I locked up, left the house, and spent the night at a friend's.

-N

Miranda said...

Ewww ....gross. lol

I need a dog like that to cook dinner!

Happy new years!!!

J R Estelle said...

Please tell me the secret to getting a dog to take a dump in the toilet? I'll be more than happy to flush. That whole thing is just weird. To think that someone went into her home and did that? I'd surmise it's not the 3 bears.

~Deb said...

My sis is checking in on the comments to see if anyone has any advice on what she should do. She also found out that her blanket that she folds up each morning was unraveled.

I spoke with her on the phone this morning, and she feels the reason why this person 'shit and ran' was because he/she heard her coming in through the garage doors into the house, and the person ran, not flushing because he/she didn't want to make any noise. Hence why the person didn't wipe so well. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Scary.

I'd have to "Lysol Wipe: the whole house.

Video X said...

I can guarantee you that it was not me. I have been constipated for at least a week now. That is very eerie though! I hope she figures out who the mystery pooper is soon! I would be freaked out.

J R Estelle said...

Oh yeah, my "cold" was totally allergy related, this is news to me, as I don't have allergies, or at least didn't think I did. So...2 shots later and antibiotics, yeah I'm much better. And I still lived in the city, I'd totally meet you all for beer and wings.

Anonymous said...

You know, I've been known to pull a few pranks...but this is nasty and birthed from someone with a twisted mind. Call the cops, check for forced entry...if none found, change locks!

Osmo said...

I had someone living in my basement for a few weeks and didn't realize it. Make sure that every part of the house or apartment is sealed tight, locked and secured with deadbolts! Seriously! People have been known to get hurt if they don't take the proper measures in keeping themselves and their family safe from intruders.

QUASAR9 said...

Deb, can't your sister remember who she brought home last night?

And another thing, will someone explain to those who in error think they are sophisticated - the bide is for refreshing ladies parts, not washing hairy assholes

ooops, just thought I'd keep the conversation at 'office' level. lol!

Pittchick said...

That's really scary! I think she should definitely report it. Who knows what else they snooped around and took from her place.

GW Mush said...

I would do forensics for DNA in the poop.

GW Mush said...

And you will find from the DNA that this is hereditary. The intruder comes from a long line of poopers.

Catch said...

the real question is....Did they set on the seat?

Anonymous said...

LOL!! I am sorry that I am laughing. Ummm, errrr, already than.

Maybe it was a neighbor with a fetish. Or the mail man? Maybe it was her boyfriends friend. Maybe her boyfriend shared stories about the his and her bathroom situation and they wanted to pull a prank?

That's just wrong!! lol

Anonymous said...

Alrighty* even...sorry! lol

Maddie said...

omg that was soooo funny, I am still cracking up! I think this person needs to leave the baked beans alone!

kathi said...

I'm just floored, seriously. I have no idea what I'd do here. Move comes to mind...can they take butt prints off the toilet? Dang, this is just nasty.

Big Pissy said...

That is both bizarre and scary!

Does your sister have any idea who it may have been?

Anonymous said...

Sometimes the needs of a pregnant wife outweigh the needs of the many...


Sure, blame the dog...

Anonymous said...

Change the locks immediately just in case and report what happened to the police so there is record of it in case this happens again.

That's what I'd do. Very serious stuff.

Video X said...

um so OSMO can you please give the details of the stranger in the basement incident? I read that comment yesterday and was unable to sleep last night. I was convinced there was a stranger living in my basement...I kept concocting different scenarios of how I would be killed.

How long was this person there? Why? How did they get in? How did you find them? Is it a really big finished basement? (Mine has been gutted, so there is nowhere to hide I'm hoping...I'm hoping you will say that your basement is very big with lots of rooms or something.) These kinds of things are haunting me now!

Osmo said...

VIDEO X,

I live on a weird hill incline type of property where half the basement has these little windows and the other half doesn't. Somehow I'm guessing that this guy snuck in through the windows. My basement is not furnished. This man was homeless and kept using one of the blankets that we had down there by the washer and dryer. I have to assume he ate his own food and periodically I would find wrappers from MdDonald's or some other fast food chain laying around. He was there for probably three weeks! There are many homeless or needy people who will occupy the part of your house that you don't. They scout it out.

If you seriously feel that someone is in your basement, CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY! Have them investigate! It doesn't cost you a dime! You'll at least be able to sleep!

Video X said...

Thanks. I kinda live in an odd area...in the woods...middle of nowhere...that happens to still be w/in the city limits. You wouldn't know it, but one mile from me is the "Dixie Strip" containing 5876 shady strip clubs, and all kinds of shady activity. I'm surrounded on two sides by 80 acres of field and woods, so I always worry a bit. I did get my "Night Guard" light fixed, so at least my back yard up to the woods is now lit.
I will have no issue with calling the police. That is for sure. My neighbor is a cop. The other is a fireman. That helps too. It's just the single woman thing that I don't think is such a positive! Especially for those "scouting." I thought living away from crowded people would be a good thing...but then I started thinking it's not so safe.

Anonymous said...

I cofess, I was the mystery shitter.

Anonymous said...

ew ew ew ew. that is the grossest picture i've ever seen!!!!!!

i hope they catch the bugger!

Seven said...

If she owns a large cat it could be that the cat decided to make some coffee beans and had a more difficult time than anticipated?

samuru999 said...

Oh...how awful!
Your sister must have been so upset!

I am back home!
Thanks for the prayers!
My sis is doing better!

Margie

Miss 1999 said...

Deb,

That is so scary!!! I mean, I *hope* it was only a homeless person who wanted a warm meal, and was *perhaps* going to bathe* (granted NO ONE has the right to break in to someone's home-- although if they are, I prefer to think the best)...

It's scary, because a murderer did the same thing to my Aunt Bobbie's house about 10 years ago. The found him in the garage of my Uncle's house a few days later. PLEASE, tell your sister to file a complaint with the police, if nothing else, at least for her safety, because you just never know.

Please, keep us updated!

QUASAR9 said...

Well Deb, it couldn't have been the cat - they don't use asswipe

And if it wasn't someone your sis brought home last night, my only advice is remember to lock the doors, and check there's nothing else missing.
But a burglar taking the time to use the loo - better get your sis to check her panties draw, this could be a panty sniffing lurker.

And if your sis has got kids, well the skidmarks should be a dead giveaway - lol!

Anonymous said...

Oh nasty! Yeah...nothing else really to add to that.

Hope she didn't get stuck with clean up duty!

Anonymous said...

What a "crappy" photo! Hahaha!

Funny post. I feel bad for your sister though. If indeed, it was proven that the golden "reliever" was the culprit, I suggest not to replace him with a rottweiler.

Get a chihuahua or a toy poodle. Much less crap to clean after.

The Absent Minded Landlord said...

You know, when natures calls you just have to answer. Then you just have to make some coffee, snuggle in a blanket, and grab some non-perishables for the road. Sometimes nature can be very specific.

LisaBinDaCity said...

Ewwwww!

I hope she fumigated the place with lysol.

Feh!

Buffy said...

The toilet photo brought back horrific memories of yesterday.

I mean, WHO DOES THAT!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord!! How disgusting. But I'm with some of the others, report it to the police, better safe than sorry. If the idiot returns, lord knows what might happen! Change the locks too. Dayum!

The dog is way too nice, obviously, or the intruder would have teethmarks in his/her butt!!

Åsa said...

Deb! You wrote the story so funny I had to laugh! But it’s actually scary. I would have professional cleaners come in and sanities the house. After I called the police and changed locks of course. Hope she feels ok!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Holy shit, r u fucking seroius?

OMG...

I cant stop giggling..did she call the police?..ya no that shit is a prime DNA sample..
:)

Enemy of the Republic said...

That last picture of Doggy is awesome.

Anonymous said...

That is soooooo NASTY!!!