Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Cricked Necks, Cunnilingus and OCD

Being sick and immobile has its advantages and disadvantages. The nurturing and caring aspects of your partner/spouse could be a wonderful thing. Having a cricked neck and a girlfriend in the other room with the stomach virus can be frustrating. I occupied the living room while surfing the net and trying my hardest not to put on that TV. My girlfriend stayed in the bedroom as she nursed her virus and made numerous trips to the loo.

We were both hurtin’ to say the least. I ended up surfing and making my rounds to various blogs. Some left a bad taste in my mouth; much like a floppy wet chicken that’s been sitting out on the counter for days. (Not that I have ever dined on such a thing before…) I know everybody’s views and opinions are so different and unique, but others are harsh and crass with no respect for the human life whatsoever.

“Honey, can you make me soup?” Madelene screams out from the other room as I gasp at some of the vicious spews on someone’s blog.
“Sure. Be right there.” I said, as I tried maneuvering my stiff neck and headed off to the kitchen to make her something to eat. Keep in mind I can’t lift my arms very far due to the extent of my neck and back pain, so to even grab a pot from the cabinet below seemed like the most difficult task I ever had to do. I looked like some freaky robot trying to break dance in my kitchen. Yeah, not a pretty sight.

The only thing I had as far as soup de jour goes was one of those Lipton Ring-O-Noodle packets. You know—the type where it’s loaded with more salt than the ocean---the one that makes me blow up like a tick. After one bowl of this soup, my ring practically buries itself into my finger. It’s awful.

OCD kicked in big time today. I had to take Mad’s temperature which means disinfecting the thermometer which involves a lot of soap and water, followed by a ten minute soak in Listerine. Doorknobs are swabbed down with alcohol wipes and the phone has to be wiped down anytime Madelene uses it. I know—call me insensitive, but that’s just how I am.

Here’s the tricky part. I have to go back in that bedroom to sleep. We obviously share the same blanket. Do you think it would be obvious if I grabbed the blanket and threw it in the wash for a once over? Pretty lame of me, huh? I’m willing to take the risk and be in same room as her; the same room to which she is pouring out her germ-filled lungs into the same air I’m breathing in. I’m thanking the good Lord that we have sufficient air conditioning, because if we didn’t have it—it would definitely be sofa city for me. Warm air equals what? Say it!... Say it!... GERMS!

As I said, my neck is stiff, which made me notice something else that I have never thought of before. I’m lying on the couch and look up at the fan that’s spinning around rapidly circulating the air. It then hit me. I never wash the back of the panels of the fan—which can only mean one thing---germs are flying in every which direction! Dust bunnies with wings are whipping through my clean living room as I’m breathing in what I think to be is clean air. I have to get out of the house. I’m thinking way too much.

MUST CLEAN FAN!

I know what you’re thinking. I must have sexual issues with my OCD lurking within. I do. To the millions of women having sex with me now, it’s not you…really…it’s me. You’d think I’d wear a huge hefty bag while being with my partner due to all the manias I have about germs. But I don’t. I’m pretty normal in that aspect. I know, way too much information there.

In another topic, I just found this funny article (while being completely bored today) from the Discovery Health website about the taboo of oral sex between heterosexuals:

“…Some heterosexual people believe that the only real and proper way to express their sexuality is by having intercourse with the penis in the vagina. Others feel threatened by the age-old myth associating oral sex and homosexuality and fear participation in mouth-genital contact may be a sign of their deep-seated homosexuality. There is, of course, no evidence that those who practice oral sexual acts are inclined toward homosexuality.

Historically and currently, oral sex, including cunnilingus, has been frowned upon in some cultures and by some religions. It is prohibited in some cultures and even illegal. Underlying the social disapproval and legal strictures are powerful age-old religious prohibitions against oral-genital contact. Centuries of religious scholars have believed and preached that oral sex is unnatural and against divine law. Whether because genital-mouth contact was not a procreative act or because it was erroneously believed to be strictly a lesbian activity, cunnilingus was officially prohibited. In our culture the non-procreative aspect is the most pertinent in that it is the procreative potential of sex that has traditionally transformed it from bad to good in the eyes of many religions. The weight of religious teachings throughout history has had a strong influence on legal and social rules. Many states in the United States still have laws about what are termed "unnatural acts" which include prohibitions on mouth-genital contact. Technically these laws still remain on the books in some states, but are rarely enforced. As the influences of religion on government have diminished, society's experiences with sexual practices have shown that these prohibitions were unnecessary and that cunnilingus is a safe and natural sexual practice between consenting adults. ”

I’m wondering if you know who is participating in these heathen-like activities. I know—way too much time on my hands!


UPDATE: Please visit Miranda's blog and see what she has to say about her love for her partner, as well as her love for God.

Also, as I've been advised to pronounce a certain word a certain way...by a certain Texan...Can "y'all" visit Kathi's Christian blog to read her thoughts on what a loving Christian is?