Friday, April 21, 2006

Making a "Point"

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not this uptight wench who gets her shorts in a bunch every single time there’s a sexual innuendo made—however yesterday was ridiculous. It was a phallic-filled jam packed day of ‘let’s see how Deb reacts to another penis joke’!

Okay, okay, I’ll label myself as a “lesbian”, because I am with a girl. Not because I would never date a man in the future, if my girlfriend kicks my sorry ass to the curb. It’s just that everyone knows I have been dating someone for about twelve years now, and they automatically love to test my resistance to the one thing I haven’t seen…in quite some time now.

Well it first started out calmly. (Or did it?) It started with JP. He came over to comment on my blog, and well, I peeked at his blog—which may I say was quite impressed with his huge... template. Eh-hem, anyway, as I was reading his post, down below was a photo. Oh yeah—it was “him”. ...HULLO! No, I didn’t click out of it right away due to my good Christian-nature or my lesbian tendencies—hell, I looked!

That was that. Later that day, I enjoyed a nice healthy banana. I figured I was low on potassium and needed a fruit in my diet—(since I hate fruit.) I walked slowly out of the deli, eating my banana—hoping to finish it so I can chuck the peel in the trash. I then see a man glancing over at me in his pick up truck giving me that ‘one eye brow up’ look. I bit down hard on my banana to let him know—I bite. Enough of that. I threw that sucker out and headed to my car—quickly. He left quite quickly himself after that chomp.

Keep in mind this is still early in the morning, and I had to make a pit stop at the gas station. As I’m pumping my platinum gold filled with tons of diamonds type of gasoline (which is how much it’s worth right about now) I notice a man pumping gas into his car. The guy must have just rolled out of bed and thought, “Hmm, I think I’ll pay an arm and a leg for gas this lovely morning!” (When in fact, he brought much more than an arm and a leg.) This guy was wearing baggy sweatpants. Now, nothing wrong with going to the local gas station wearing sweats or anything—but, he wasn’t wearing any underwear! How do I know that? “It” was awake. That sucker was pitchin’ a tent; it was so noticeable--that I even blushed.

The day ends off nicely. My girlfriend and I decided to head over to the local bar & grill to have dinner. We sit at the bar and chit-chat with the regulars. This one guy kept buying drinks—backing them up every time we finished with one. It was almost annoying; as if he wanted to get us tanked. I refused on my third. Can you believe it? You can actually say I’m a ‘reformed alcoholic’ now. Usually they have to cut me off at my 12th... So, the check comes, and I toss out my credit card to the bartender. She comes back with the little receipt and a…and a….and a….very large pen. And no, it did not come with batteries.

Tell me this isn’t disturbing?

My hand wrapped around only one quarter of the black part. Okay! Enough innuendos!!! I have to get some water.

33 comments:

JD said...

roflmao. the funniest part is that you had enough wherewithal to take a picture of the pen. too funny. and if you get kicked to the curb, you can bet i'll be there to pick you up, in my sweatpants... bareback... pitching a tent...

~Deb said...

Such a charmer JP...*bats lashes atchya'* I might mistake it for the gas pump though knowing 'my experience'...


*sigh*

TrappedInColorado said...

I'll pick you up out of the curb, too. Give you a place to live for awhile (make sure the hidden web cams are working in the bathroom) and get you liquored up whenever you want. Cleaning the house in the nude will be totally optional because that is the kind of guy I am. I'll be in New York in July. Leesa will have to come on her own but I will share a cab with her to your house. I hope my video equipment will not take up much space.

Thank you for the compliment on my new pic. You're sweet and far too kind and generous with your praise and adoration of my greatness.

Peace

kathi said...

I have so many things I want to say, that I'm thinking I should just keep my mouth shut. :)

JD said...

as long as you don't try and "raise the handle", you can pump all you want. ;) ouch, now we're back to silly male member jokes. why does this happen? ;)

i do love a woman that brings the digital camera everywhere she goes, you never know when you have to take a picture of some large phallus. ;) i did it again, sheesh. sorry. :(

~Deb said...

I’ll be sure to inspect for little holes around the bathroom…peeper! Your new header pic is awesome! I love autumn scenes---my favorite kind of photos! Did you take that yourself, or was that something you got online? I would seriously frame that.

Adoration of your greatness? Okay, now you’re on crack buddy! Be good. The compliments only go so far... ;)

~Deb said...

Kathi... Too late. ;)

JD... My camera is stored in my purse at all times, just for this blog. Sad, huh?

Grant said...

You apparently have penis on the brain. It's obviously your latent heterosexuality asserting itself. As your doctor, I advise you to drink more and sleep with men who live in the Atlanta area.

BTW, I think I speak for all men (the honest ones anyway) when I say we can't look at a woman eating a banana and not think of getting a bj. It's our nature. Just accept it. And make with the head. :p

Mike said...

Maddy aint ever gonna kick ya to the curb...silly, silly girl.

kathi said...

LOL, you're my other half, you know it??

TrappedInColorado said...

Yes, I took that pic and it was taken in July! It is a night scene. The orange glow is from the street light. I will be changing that pic often. Thanks again for the compliments.

Peace

JD said...

not sad at all, lol. i find it hot.

check out my blog, since you gave me honorable mention, i returned the favor, somewhat. ;)

luckysevn said...

Huh. I seem to have the opposite issue today - I had a dream before I woke up this morning that I was with a woman (which I've never had the pleasure of in real life, btw, but it did leave me with the warm and fuzzies), THEN I checked out JD's blog... As if that wasn't enough, I happened to look out the window in time to see my neighbor heading out to the backyard in her BRA to hang out the laundry. WHAT is going on???

JD said...

omg Lucky, even my mind is overwhelmed with all those incredibly erotic images. the thought of you and any other woman is so hot. i posted on Kristen's blog how Mrs. JD used to be bi-curious, but not anymore. now she KNOWS she likes it.

to be honest, i thought it was some of the most beautiful lovemaking i've ever witnessed.

in fact, now i finally realize why i like Deb's profile pic so much. her hair reminds me of that other woman's. duh... very very hot.

AWE said...

That is some pretty stiffling thoughts, I mean stifling thoughts. What will be the next thing to pop-up in to your thoughts?

~Deb said...

Oh my sweet b’geezus, what have I gotten myself into? Even though my whole point of the story was a phallic thing—I think this blog automatically turned from Christianity/lesbianism to total erotica. Who is Kristen?

I’m with luckysevn all the way with her thoughts… send those vibes my way girl!

Kath- you sure you wanna label yourself as ‘my other half’ now???

Oh...and JD...that picture you posted looks like it hurts...Thanks though for thinking of me! :)

JD said...

i was hoping you'd look past that. but i thought the same thing when i first met her. once i got to know her though, i realized how much she enjoys them, so who am i to judge? isn't it funny how sometimes you think a post will be received a certain way, and then it isn't? lol.

Pittchick said...

Hey Lucky- perhaps we should never let JD see some of the incriminating photos of us!


That pen cracks me up! I want one now.

JD said...

DNA, omg, don't tease me like that. just not fair. ;)

JD said...

and what do you need a pen that big for...? ;)

the depressed nurse said...

OMG Deb! Thank you for the laugh! I needed one bad.

I have a big pen like that one too, a med representative gave me one at work once. All of us nurses just stared at it for a while then just looked at each other with sly smiles on our faces.

~Deb said...

Type of pen you can't carry in your pocket...unless you wanna look like that guy pumping his gas this morning. Hmm..

JD said...

yeah, and you thought that was my actual johnson in those pics. sheesh, amazing what those Chinese fellers can do with plastic nowadays. you should see how much ink it holds... ;)

Leesa said...

I have a big pen like that as well - well, I had one. It was given to me by someone who got it from a drug rep. And the pen had pink painted shoes on it. Funny as heck!

Saur♥Kraut said...

OK, well, pics like that might make ANY woman a lesbian. Honestly! It might give us pleasure, but it ain't pretty!

messiah said...

heh heh... i blogged today before i headed over here to catch up.

sorry... looks like it's become a running theme today.

they say anything taller than it is wide....

Big Mama said...

*sigh* I love days like those... LOL!!!

Mar said...

Now that is just too big of a pen. You had a pretty interesting day, filled with big things.

Jon said...

Maybe it's a sign that you need some new sex toys :D Let's go shopping!

Shannon said...

LMAO.. All I can do is laugh and smile, laugh and smile some more..

I think I am Blushing.. haha

I had the opposite happen to me. I was standing outside of a store and some guy was in his truck eating a large banana, staring at me.. it was as if he was saying, can you do this??

I just stuck up my middle finger and looked the other way. Gotta love it =)

Have a great weekend!!

P.S. That pen is hysterical LOL

Anonymous said...

http://funnyfunnygifs.tripod.com/

Check the banana doof

Madelene

LisaBinDaCity said...

You Perv ;-)

Natalia said...

Damn I so love it when you post pictures. You guys look blessedly happy and that makes me snoopydance all on its own. :)

-N