Don’t get me wrong, I’m not this uptight wench who gets her shorts in a bunch every single time there’s a sexual innuendo made—however yesterday was ridiculous. It was a phallic-filled jam packed day of ‘let’s see how Deb reacts to another penis joke’!
Okay, okay, I’ll label myself as a “lesbian”, because I am with a girl. Not because I would never date a man in the future, if my girlfriend kicks my sorry ass to the curb. It’s just that everyone knows I have been dating someone for about twelve years now, and they automatically love to test my resistance to the one thing I haven’t seen…in quite some time now.
Well it first started out calmly. (Or did it?) It started with JP. He came over to comment on my blog, and well, I peeked at his blog—which may I say was quite impressed with his huge... template. Eh-hem, anyway, as I was reading his post, down below was a photo. Oh yeah—it was “him”. ...HULLO! No, I didn’t click out of it right away due to my good Christian-nature or my lesbian tendencies—hell, I looked!
That was that. Later that day, I enjoyed a nice healthy banana. I figured I was low on potassium and needed a fruit in my diet—(since I hate fruit.) I walked slowly out of the deli, eating my banana—hoping to finish it so I can chuck the peel in the trash. I then see a man glancing over at me in his pick up truck giving me that ‘one eye brow up’ look. I bit down hard on my banana to let him know—I bite. Enough of that. I threw that sucker out and headed to my car—quickly. He left quite quickly himself after that chomp.
Keep in mind this is still early in the morning, and I had to make a pit stop at the gas station. As I’m pumping my platinum gold filled with tons of diamonds type of gasoline (which is how much it’s worth right about now) I notice a man pumping gas into his car. The guy must have just rolled out of bed and thought, “Hmm, I think I’ll pay an arm and a leg for gas this lovely morning!” (When in fact, he brought much more than an arm and a leg.) This guy was wearing baggy sweatpants. Now, nothing wrong with going to the local gas station wearing sweats or anything—but, he wasn’t wearing any underwear! How do I know that? “It” was awake. That sucker was pitchin’ a tent; it was so noticeable--that I even blushed.
The day ends off nicely. My girlfriend and I decided to head over to the local bar & grill to have dinner. We sit at the bar and chit-chat with the regulars. This one guy kept buying drinks—backing them up every time we finished with one. It was almost annoying; as if he wanted to get us tanked. I refused on my third. Can you believe it? You can actually say I’m a ‘reformed alcoholic’ now. Usually they have to cut me off at my 12th... So, the check comes, and I toss out my credit card to the bartender. She comes back with the little receipt and a…and a….and a….very large pen. And no, it did not come with batteries.
Tell me this isn’t disturbing?
My hand wrapped around only one quarter of the black part. Okay! Enough innuendos!!! I have to get some water.