Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Why on Earth?

Evening ‘get ready for bed’ rituals have always been a time consuming task, especially when I used to wear contact lenses before my eye surgery. I could spend fifteen, twenty, to thirty minutes in there just getting ready to hit the hay. Tasks include: Washing my face with different solutions, moisturizing, brushing & flossing and sometimes whitening, to exfoliating to end up looking like I just ate ten strawberries, and broke out.

While entering the bathroom, I notice something strange ‘left’ in the toilet. Have you ever seen those little miniature hot dogs? (Pigs in a blanket—but without the blanket) Well, there were a ton of these ‘miniature hot dog’ looking things in the bottom of the toilet. They were light brown, with little red cracks all over them. Instantly, I thought, “Wait! Madelene has blood in her stool! Oh my God! She needs to see a doctor! And why is she crapping like a bear?”

I walk out of the bathroom instantly.

“Mad! You okay? What’s wrong? Why do you have blood in your stool?”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That’s not blood you fool! It’s Geritols.”
She replies.

What’s my next question? Can you even imagine?

WHY do we have Geritols in our home? Who’s taking them? I know Madelene is ten years older than me, but I’m starting to think she fibbed about her age. I went back into the bathroom to flush this pile of miniature hot dog looking vitamins. I watched the water swirl around them, and leave the pills left behind. They were not ready to leave. They wouldn’t budge. This is not good.

I walk back inside the bedroom.

“Madelene! The pile you left in there is now stuck. What’s wrong with you? Are you flushing down feminine napkins as well? I know that city people think all toilets have strength of a bull, but come on! We’re up in the country here!”
“What? I would never! My mother always told me to throw away pills in the toilet.”
“She meant pills, not vitamins.”
I replied, as I stormed out of the bedroom to face these tiny wiener looking vitamins.

Madelene walked into the bathroom, looked at me, and we both started to hysterically laugh.
“You thought that was mine! Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!”
“You idiot! Why are you taking Geritols?”
“I’m not.”
“Then who is?”
(Both scratch our heads)

To be continued…