Monday, August 15, 2005

We're Not Just Lesbians


"We're not just lesbians." She says to me, in an angry tone.

A little note to express my feelings for another fellow lesbian in my community…

Sometime I feel at a loss for my own community. If being a lesbian isn’t hard enough, it’s dealing with angry lesbians who have this mission or agenda to travel in packs who want to rule the world. Is being a lesbian hard at all? So many lesbians that I come across are angry, upset and they have this constant feeling of resentment towards anyone who doesn’t agree with their line of thinking.

There is this newly formed “lesbian’s group” in my town. They have formed in herds. I was initiated a member, by a friend. I go on the website and respond to certain things they bring to the table, and I speak my mind. I guess these women are overly sensitive, because I got some hate mail. These women want acceptance from others out there, but they are not willing to accept people with different points of views. I don’t understand that.

So this morning, I grab my coffee, go in my office and check my e-mail. I get an e-mail from an angry lesbian who didn’t agree with my suggestion. They had a group a while back that failed, and it was held in this little dinky bar in a quiet village. Basically—a dive. The group was discussing the options of having ‘fees’ to be in their cult. First of all, I’m against it period. I e-mailed them and suggested that we should all meet up to see a friend of mine (who is a fellow lesbian) play guitar and sing at a local bar nearby. We can all spring for our own beer, and not pay fees to socialize, as well as support one of our members of the community--- by just going to see her perform. One of the girls said this:

“You state that you are sick and tired of having to walk into dives to meet other lesbians (again, we are not just lesbians), but then you invite us to see Alyssa play in just such a dive. “

(Not just lesbians?) I’m certainly not going to sit around in a circle passing around a drum having a huge pity party for myself.

She then goes on to say:

“All of your suggestions involve bars and alcohol. Charming. Let's please keep that old stereotype going. NOT. There are many members of the GLBT community that are in recovery. We have a higher rate of addiction than any other "group" because of the lives we are sometimes forced to lead in secrecy and shame and fear, because we have been ostracized from our families and friends, from our community. Listen, I'm not trying to preach...I've done my share of partying and held my own with the best of them. There is a place for everything, but with moderation and sensitivity. OK?”

I’m going to certainly need a drink if this is the type of people I’m meeting up with. For the love of God! Lighten up! Yes, I can see if people are in recovery, that’s great. They are getting help. Usually when you are out socializing, you go out to dinner or to an establishment where you can see your fellow lesbian friend on stage playing guitar and singing. Support your local lesbian friend—right? Oh wait, there’s alcohol served at this place. So insensitive I can be.

Again, I have to keep in mind, “They’re not “just” lesbians…they’re a cult.”

Of course we have a higher rate of addiction---because there is absolutely nothing to do around these rural parts other than make moonshine and yell across the trailer parks to see what lesbian event is being held next. We are forced to live in secrecy and shame, AND fear? Why? Maybe you are, but I have no problem going out and mingling with everyone----straight, gay, lesbian, transgender, ---whoever… Lesbians are the most uptight group sometimes. Shame? I’m sometimes a shamed to even be a lesbian due to the attitudes of the angry ones. I think I can speak for many people a far as being ostracized from our families and friends --- blah blah blah, get over it--- stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a life! We ALL have problems, not just lesbians. Oh wait, I said it---“Just Lesbians”… I’m going to title this post just that!

“We need to arrange events that are accessible to all our members, not just a few. For example: I sat next to a couple with a 5 month old on their lap, wanting to give their child a different view of our community other than the old stereotype of bars, drunks & drugs, and meet other families that care about our lives and our politics and our survival in this frightening right-wing era. I recently had 2 small children ripped from my home because the judge thought they would be better off with their drunk, addicted, violent father than with 2 lesbians after 4 years of raising them. There is much more to this group than the question of where to "party". Socialization is definitely an important part, but not our only purpose. Do you watch the news? We are fighting for our lives, for our right to exist, for our right to have families, to work, to marry, to be employed without restrictions. We are being bashed, harassed and murdered. Hello? Let's party......ok.”

I guess she came to the ‘wrong lesbian’ with this issue as far as the ‘right-wing’ remark. Being mostly a right winger, I have opposing views. Now, I do feel sorry for anyone who has their children taken from them. I highly doubt that a judge would give her two small children to a man who is an alcoholic, drug addict and who’s violent. My view on this is- there are two sides to any story. Straight people go through the same thing---what makes this woman think she is so different? I know a lesbian couple who have a son living with them, and not the father. Just because she is a lesbian---she uses the ‘lesbian card’. It happens to all of us unfortunately. Maybe—and this is just a hypothetical scenario here- maybe the husband can provide a better home, from what the judge can see. I don’t know that. I cannot judge. All I can say is, everyone has problems; are they all flocking out in herds to sit in a round circle discussing issues? Get a therapist!

Yes, I do watch the news. I see straight girls raped, murdered, I see gangs killing their own people, I see robbers shooting store owners and kids being kidnapped and killed. The news is very depressing; the world is depressing. Live your life, and try to make it better. Do we have to sit around and bitch & moan about our lives to everyone else? It sounds so negative. When has socializing become a bad thing in life? You make it seem as though your life is over, and that socializing only means drugs and alcohol.

Let me get my little violin out for you- and wish you well.

See, it’s not that I am insensitive to the struggles of the gay and lesbian community, it’s just that I am sensitive to what everybody goes through. We all have issues in life that we suffer and struggle with. What makes this woman think that her community is the ONLY group that goes through this? “We’re not just lesbians.” You’re pity party participator...

“To work and be employed without restrictions?” What kind of place are you trying to get hired at? I have worked at medical firms, IBM, Minolta, & other big corporations ----I got jobs all over without restrictions. What restrictions? IBM gave me benefits for my partner. How can you say that we are being limited to jobs? Unless you are walking into your interview in a lumberjack outfit, flannels, and work boots trying to get an accounting position, then yeah, I can see your view on how it is difficult to get a job in that area.

Is it safe to say that a lot of lesbians love to rebel? They want to walk into a job wearing men’s trousers or jeans, making a statement, “Hey, I’m gay---and if you don’t like it, don’t hire me.” Do you think maybe that’s the case? I think so.

What about the white person who doesn’t get hired due to infirmative action? Do you think that’s fair? Do you think it’s fair that some companies only hire whites? Do you think it’s fair that some companies only hire women as their secretaries? How many men have you seen taken calls behind a desk for their boss?

Life is not fair my dear.

There are so many bigger issues here to deal with, and these lesbians will sit around smoking their peace pipe wishing their lives were better. Join the club. It’s called “life”. You can either whine and b*tch about it, or go out, and live your life fully…

Life is short…. Live it… Be happy… And show them that you can overcome any obstacle. The best revenge is success; then again, revenge is never good, is it? Please feel free to make a comment regarding this issue. All positive and negative feedbacks are welcome. Freedom of speech!

God bless!

WARNING: Leaving nasty comments may result in a cult membership, a free pair of timberland boots, a free mullet hair cut and a big pink triangle bumper sticker on the back of your pick up truck. Side effects include, an urge to bash straight people, spewing of political blabber that doesn't make sense, and a free trip to AA just to get free coffee and donuts. Some common side effects include: weight gain, loss of sleep, an appetite for cigarettes and coffee, parading around topless in parades, a nipple ring, and turning to Wicca for religion. Ask your doctor if leaving a nasty comment on this post is right for you.