Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Where's Miss Cleo When You Need Her?

How many times do we flip through our local newspaper or scroll online to look up our horoscopes? Many people rely on horoscopes to guide their daily life. The study of astrology is very interesting, but to rely on it for advice, I’m not sure if I would trust the source that is handing out this information. Most of it for instance, is way too general to even pin-point what they’re even referring to.

Here are four of “my” horoscopes for today…

1. You probably aren't being too realistic about love and personal relationships. Be careful not to screw up your personal paperwork. Don't let anyone take advantage of your kindness and generosity. 3 stars
First of all, who is realistic about love and personal relationships? We all want everything to be perfect and desire that wonderful bliss of being in love… Whether or not you are in love, we all have high expectations for people that are in our lives romantically.

2. Exert a little discipline now. On others and on yourself. You'll all be better off!Still trying to figure out what's really bothering you? Instead of stewing about it, why not talk with someone you know and love? After all, how many times have you allowed them to bounce their thoughts off of you?
Am I still trying to figure out what’s really bothering me? I need a therapist for that, not a horoscope or advice from a psychic! Instead of ‘talking about it’---why not I just ~blog~ it so that my friends and family don’t have to hear me bitch and moan about everyday life.

3. Get the party started early in the day. You may find yourself running from task to task, but this is OK - you have the ability to get a lot done by multi-tasking and keeping things light. As the day progresses, however, there will be a veil of restriction that slowly settles over your mood, and you may find it harder to communicate your thoughts than it was earlier in the day.
Yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about! Start the morning off with a nice bloody mary…and then attend AA later in the evening. Who doesn’t multi-task these days? Even if you watch CNN, there’s a ticker for the stocks, and below that ticker, there’s the weather flowing out as well as the main newscast being broadcasted. Try watching all of that at once! Now, if later on I have trouble communicating my thoughts, you will not see another blog for this day. Then, maybe, this horoscope thing is true after all!

4. Someone you love will be sorely missed unless you try to locate him/her. You have a hard time living with this separation. Try as hard as it takes to find that person, and expect a lot of joy from having done so.
Hmm… Don’t we all have someone in our life that we miss dearly who we had to cut ties due to whatever circumstance arose? We all have left someone who we truly love and have had separation anxiety to some degree. Do we need to get a private investigator to locate this person for us and maybe, possibly, get them on that show “Classmates” for a horrendous reunion? Oh Lord, let’s move on with our lives!

Psychics and mediums have become a part of our therapeutic needs so it seems. People go to them for guidance and hopes of having a better future; meanwhile, their pockets are getting lighter and lighter. In most cases, we are spewing out more information that we should, leaving the psychic to tell us what we already told them.

Suggestion: Psychotherapy

Years ago, I went to a psychic fair with a friend of mine. One of the psychics sitting at a table rose up and pointed to me as if I was some lit up angel from beyond.
“You! Please come over to my table…”
I walked over slowly pointing at myself, “Me?”
“Yes, …you….you have an illuminating aura that is white, and pure, please come to me.”

Now I was getting the heebie-jeebies at this point. I walked over to her table and sat down. She grabbed my hands and just stared down at her candles. As she raised her head back up to look at me, she said, “You have psychic abilities, yet you haven’t tapped into it as of yet. You are an evolved soul!”
“Hmmm, I wish I could just figure out those six numbers to the lottery!”

She went on about how I was going to have three boys of my own and be married to a successful husband in three years. Three children, a husband, in three years. Interesting...First of all this would be a difficult prediction for me to comprehend only due to the fact that I’m a lesbian! Another thing is, I do not foresee any kids in my future, and I am quite content with my nephew and nieces.

These phony psychics will even park themselves in a nearby restaurant/pub type of place or even a bowling alley for crying out loud! Now this is what I call ‘multi-tasking’! Some are even using the Ouji Board!

I think these ‘so called psychics’ who are phonies are ruining all credibility for the real psychics to prove their talents to us. I do believe that we all have psychic ability to a degree, intuitiveness, clairvoyance’s and other mental abilities. We only use 10% of our brain, can you imagine what we can accomplish if we used the other 90%?

What about good ol’ renown psychic, Sylvia Browne? You can see her on the Montel Williams' show. She can accurately make some good predictions and valid observations about people, however, notice whenever someone asks, “Sylvia, I want to know where my career is heading and if I will get married soon.”
As Sylvia scratches her head with her long acrylic nails, she blurts out, ”Ah, sweetie, I would try to focus on what’s going on with your kidneys right now, go see a doctor.”
Then that’s the end of that!...............Next!

The best has to be the Pet Psychic! Sonya Fitzpatrick will tell you what your pet is thinking. She has the ability to even read the pets that have passed away. It’s amazing with one stroke over a lama’s hump, she can determine whether or not that the lama may want to get out of the cage he/she has been placed in to keep as a pet. Hmmm, …don’t all animals wish to be free? I can tell you what that lama is thinking,

“Get off my hair and stop making me into sweaters you idiot! It’s worse than wool!”

You need help with your life? See a therapist. Do you really need to see your future? Why can’t we just enjoy the journey in life instead of cheating our way to the vision of our death? Let’s live ‘in the moment’ instead of getting ripped off by fake psychics.